AMomTwoBoys

Is it really clean?

I cleaned. I freaking cleaned. Actually, in the end I just ended up putting piles of sh*t into my bedroom and shutting the door. But, the REST of my house looks awesome. A.W.E.S.O.M.E.

At least it did, before 6 pre-schoolers and their mothers descended upon my happy home for playgroup. It still looks good, don’t get me wrong. Much better than it did, oh, a week ago, three days ago, even yesterday. It will just take a little more dedication to get it back to what it looked like at 9:59 this morning. Which is the moment I was done cleaning and, conveniently, one minute before the group started.

Now, my bedroom? That’s another story, and always has been. It’s my graveyard, so to speak. It’s where I put stuff when I have no other place to put it. It’s full of old maternity clothes, Dylan’s books, Zach’s Co-Sleeper (which he doesn’t use, but I refuse to put away because I know as soon as I do, he’ll get sick and I’ll spend 45 minutes trying to figure out how to put the damn thing back together all the while he’ll be sick and crying and DJ will be gagging and crying and I’ll be cursing and frustrated and Dylan will wake up and the dog will come in and bug me…and do you see why I’m afraid to put it away?), my clothes, DJ’s clothes, etc. It’s my nemesis. It mocks me. It hates me. Especially right now. Especially since Dylan went in there after everyone left and dumped his Lincoln Logs out all over the only available floor space. It’s my next big project, but I can’t bring myself to even THINK about tackling that right now. So, I’m going to continue catching up on the most addictive show ever (save Lost, which, after tonight, will probably take the top spot again), October Road (did you just groan?) and tell you all about the exciting things going on in my life.

1) I made a yummy dinner last night. AND, it was from Cooking Light. There you go. Two of my new “things.” Cooking every most nights and TRYING to make it healthy. Have no fear, it will be a Friday Recipe in the near future.
2) Dylan is doing really well with the whole potty thing. He protests having to use it – “No, I don’t WANT to use the potty” all whiny and annoying- and then he pees, and he’s all proud of himself. It’s cute. No accidents for the past two days and we’ve even made trips out of the house. Poop? That’s another story.
3) Is it weird that Armand Assante is on October Road? Isn’t that a little, I don’t know, beneath him? Strange.
4) I thought of the BEST blog post title EVER, but I can’t remember it. Do any of you know what it was? It was clever, witty, funny, just generally awesome, much like me. Gah! It’s driving me crazy, much like me.
5) When I cleaned off the kitchen table last night, Dylan was all “Why’s it clean, Mommy? Why’s it so clean & shiny?” How sad is that? He doesn’t even know what having a cleaned off dining room table is all about. On the off nights that we do eat at it, I generally just shove aside all the crap to make enough room for us to sit at it. That’s depressing to admit, but I’m going to leave it here as a way of forcing myself to keep it clean. You people will hold me to it, right? Just like “Shine your sink” it will be “Clean & shine your table.” I might be on to something.
6) Because apparently some of you (Cha? Gasp! Huh? HOW is this possible?!) don’t know who John Krasinski is. I can’t understand it, but, in my ongoing effort to make the world a better place, I will introduce you to him. Adorable, funny, awesome him. Although, admittedly, I really like him because of his character on The Office, but I’ve seen him on Ellen and he’s adorable in real life as well.
7) Hawaiian Bubble Bread does not, unfortunately, taste as awesome as it sounds. Actually, now that I say it, it doesn’t sound all that good, does it? That should have been my first clue.
AMomTwoBoys BEST EVER LASAGNA does, fortunately, taste as good as it sounds. Just wait until tomorrow when I will grace you with the recipe. You’re going to want to run right out to the store for the ingredients. It’ll be worth it. It’s. That. Good. You’re welcome. In advance.
9) I’m trying to figure out what else to type here because I want to rival this post on being the longest most non-sensical post ever. But, Dylan’s insisting on watching Dora and there’s only so much Dora a girl can take. I think I’ll try to go tackle my room. Wish me luck. If you don’t hear from me tomorrow, send in search teams.

A few weeks ago, Y, she of Joy Unexpected, wrote a post where she put certain people/things On Notice. I liked it, and I’m going to copy it. So, without further ado, here is a rundown of people on…

My List:

Dr. Phil
George W. Bush
Britney Spears (if you don’t get your shit together and SHOW UP for a custody hearing, so help me god, I will track you down and DRAG your ass there. I’m pretty sure I can take down that pansy ass you call a friend Sam Lufti. Oh, and while I’m on you, I think you look really pretty with dark brown hair.)
Fred Phelps (I know, I just can’t let it go)
Zach, for acting like he watned to cuddle and then spitting up DOWN MY SHIRT
John Gibson (In fact, the entire Fox News Team)
Whoever invented Cheese
Whoever invented Dora the Explorer
Whoever invented Caillou
Dylan, for peeing TWO DROPS on the potty, throwing his hands up in the air, proclaiming “I DID IT!” and then getting up and peeing all over the carpet not two minutes later, in effect saying “F-You, Mom.”
The Gopher who ate one of my plants last week
*I’m sure there are MANY more, but in an effort to get something productive done today, I’m going to stop there.

The List #2. You know, “The List” that I referred to here. The one from Friends, where you get to pick 5 celebrities that you are allowed to, um, do the deed with, without consequence, if you ever have the opportunity. Ross took Isabella Rosselini off his list because she was too “international” and then she showed up at Central Perk. Remember? That one?

Since I know you’ve been DYING to find out who my 4 & 5 picks are, here you go:

1) George Clooney
2) Jake Gyllenhaal
3) Clive Owen
4) Johnny Depp
5) John Krasinski

I’m going to have to print it out and get it laminated.

Okay, so that abruptly ends our story. I’m going to go show, get gussied up, drop the kids off somewhere and head to LA.

Just kidding. Kind of.

Now on to the Recaps…

JCK over at Motherscribe took it upon herself to get us caught up on Lost. It’s on tomorrow, and it’s NEW! That means, for those of you who have forgotten what NEW TV is, it’s one that we’ve NEVER SEEN BEFORE. I know! It’s amazing. It’s awesome. It’s…It’s SO EXCITING!

And, since I never link to her and her readership is SO pathetic, I thought I’d let you all know that Pioneer Woman has posted a little, itty bitty re-cap of “Black Heels to Tractor Wheels.” She promises to post another thrilling chapter soon.

***

So, there’s all that. There’s MORE? You ask, eyes wide with anticipation. Yes! There is! I have a bunch of toddlers coming over tomorrow, friends coming over for the Super Bowl on Sunday and a bunch of babies coming over on Tuesday, but I’m going to widdle away my morning here. Sounds like a great plan, right? FlyLady would not be proud.

This was a conversation I had with Dylan at 6:30 yesterday morning.
Not Right Now, I’m Busy from AMomTwoBoys on Vimeo.

And Yes, I know. I nag. Sue me.

I have another video I’d love to share with you, but it contains gratuitous nekkid little b*y scenes (can you imagine if google sent someone here who was searching for THAT? Ew). Okay, so not so much gratuitous, but I’m trying to figure out how to fix it so that you don’t have to look at his “peanut” for the 30 seconds it took me to remember he was naked. We’re potty training people, and sometimes naked is just easier. Am I right?

I learned something about myself this week. My effort to organize and de-clutter has temporarily caused me to be MORE disorganized. And, I apparently think that baskets are the key to my success. TJ Maxx can thank me later when they do their monthly basket selling assessment. I will have single handedly put them over the top on basket sales. Oh, and socks. There is apparently something that precludes me from throwing out mateless socks. Especially cute little baby sized ones. I had my living room floor COVERED with the damn things this week. It was a disaster. I finally just threw my hands up in the air, said a hail mary (my house was struck by lightning shortly thereafter) and threw them away. In the outside garbage. It was a big step.

And now that I think I’ve successfully written the longest, most non-sensical post ever, I will be done. I must go shower, clean and grocery shop, which will allow me to successfully host two playgroups and a friendly little get together in the next 5 days. Wish me luck.

I admit I have a problem. NO, not that kind of problem, although I have had a few glasses of wine tonight. I use the word “seriously” too much. It’s almost like I’m a regular cast member of Grey’s Anatomy (seriously, how awesome would that be?). I realized it today when I was commenting on this post. I used the word 327 times. I did. Seriously.

I’m not sure why, but I use it a lot. It might have something to do with my, gasp!, sarcastic nature. As if I need to qualify my statments with “the” word so that people know I’m being “serioius” and not just sarcastic. Wow, that’s deep. How much wine have I had tonight?

Why, you ask, have I had excessive amounts of wine? It MAY have something to do with this post. I seriously agreed with her and, in solidarity, poured myself ANOTHER glass of wine while watching the moron President speak. I needed it. The JerkHole Republican DJ and I argued the entire time. Shocking, I know. Anyway, less than one year left. I have my new counter (scroll down…keep going…yeah, there it is!) keeping track. I am planning a party. You’re all invited to that one, too. Even if it’s another Republican, it will be better than what we’ve got going on now. I’m just saying. The Simpsons said it perfectly last night. If I can find the clip online somewhere I’ll share it with you. Seriously, I will.

Okay. That’s enough. It’s time for bed, ish.

George Clooney.

Because this made me love him even more. And I didn’t think that was possible.

Stonehenge? Still laughing. He’s totally moved up to the top of “My List.” Jake Gyllenhaal will move to #2, Clive Owen will move to #3. You’ll have to wait to find out who 4 & 5 are.

Oh, and did you SEE Brad & Angelina at the SAG awards? OMG, if it’s not J-Lo all over again…I’m just saying.

Dylan has been falling asleep in some rather peculiar positions lately. What would it be like to be able to take a nap wherever & whenever we wanted? I can’t even imagine. Glorious is a word that comes to mind. But, after seeing how he fell asleep this afternoon, I think I’ve changed my mind. If I fell asleep like that I wouldn’t be able to move the next day. My back would be killing me and I’m pretty sure my hands would be completely asleep for a good week. I offer you the photographic evidence, let me know what you think…

He was watching Cars. And wearing “Big Boy” underwear. I know. I don’t want to jinx it, so I’m not going to go into detail, but we’re working on it. Keep your fingers crossed for us.

In response to a few comments on my previous post.

Grandmaother: Too Bad, So Sad. I LIKE the live traffic feed so it’s staying. It only keeps track of a few things at a time, and given my LARGE readership, you’re information will come and go rather quickly.

A Meme, for you non-seasoned blog people, is like an old school chain letter. You “tag” other bloggers and make them answer a bunch of questions and then they have to “tag” yet more bloggers to do the same. I forgot to say earlier that I choose not to tag anyone else for the meme. Please do it if you want. It’s kinda fun to have to go back through your archives.

Quart: I wasn’t insulting you. You’ve stated (ON THIS VERY BLOG) that you’ve screwed up some recipes before (and must I bring up the tsp. vs. cup of baking soda debacle?). It made other people who read this very blog, feel better about themselves and their cooking abilities. See how I did that? Now I’ve thrown you both under the bus. You can thank me later.

HRH- I’m not sure how I found you, but I commented on your post about Reid & his blanket because it rang so true to my life. Oh, and I thought about putting the Holiday Dog post in there, but I didn’t. So here it is.

Okay, really just one MeMe, tagged by two people, June Cleaver Nirvana and Motherscribe. Thanks ladies. No really, thanks.

Here are the rules of the meme: Go back through your archives and post the links to your five favorite blog posts that you’ve written.

But there is a catch:
Link 1 must be about family.
Link 2 must be about friends.
Link 3 must be about yourself, who you are… what you’re all about.
Link 4 must be about something you love.
Link 5 can be anything you choose.

So, here we go.
Link 1, Family- Here’s this one. And this goes along with it. Oh, yeah, and this one too.
Link 2, Friends- Here you go. A post about “Friends”. Oh, you meant friends, as in people you hang out with, go out to lunch with and invite to parties? I thought you meant the TV show. And this post isnt’ really ABOUT “Friends”, but it does contain a few well placed quotes/references to/from the show.
Link 3, Me, Me, Me- Things About Me You Didn’t Know You Wanted To Know, or something like that.
Link 4, Something I LOVE- I COULD link to something about my children, my husband, or my pets, but I choose this. I love it. I really do. REALLY. You will too, I promise.
Link 5, My Choice- So now I’ll talk about my kids. Well one in particular. This is just funny to me. I hope you think so too.

Now, moving on to my week in review, mostly with pictures, because I’ve been working on this damn post for, like, 5 hours and I’ve gotten nowhere. Gak!

Because this sums up my feelings perfectly, and saves me the time of typing it all out. Please replace any reference to Texas with California or TX with CA or Texans with Californians. Got it? Good.

My new favorite words:
Spazzazoid
Horridity

Because I had a “FREAK OUT” earlier this week and because I’d like to close the book on the subject with a positive note. JCK of Motherscribe wrote this post about Heath Ledger. It’s how he should be remembered.

Now to the pictures:

Happy Birthday DJ!

For DJ’s Birthday, I offer you two of his favorites:

I know…Wha? It sounds kinda gross, but trust me! It’s YUM-O, as Rachael Ray would say. So good on a summer’s day. Or a rainy, wintery day. Really, anytime.

1 lime, cut into 8 wedges
1/4 cup coarse salt
2 (12-ounce) bottles your favorite beer, chilled (I use Corona, & not the light crap)
1/2 cup frozen concentrate limeade, thawed
1/2 cup chilled tequila
Ice cubes

Rub lime wedges around rims of 4 margarita glasses. Dip rims into salt to coat lightly. In a medium pitcher, combine beer, limeade, and tequila. Fill prepared glasses with ice, then with margarita mixture. Garnish with remaining lime wedges. Serve immediately.

I’m presently watching (& photographing for your viewing pleasure) the meat & tomato mixture simmer for my Pioneer Woman’s Best Ever Lasagna. Oh, hold on to your seats, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride. Next to the scrumptious looking pot of lasagna fixins’ is a LUSCIOUS looking Pioneer Woman’s Best Chocolate Cake Ever. OH MY GOD, my panties are in a bunch over this. I can hardly wait to dig in to the cake. Seriously. After the emotional roller coaster of a day I’ve had, thanks to previously mentioned JackHoles, it’s looking like the best thing ever. If only it weren’t for DJ’s birthday (which is tomorrow) I’d dig into it right now. But I won’t, because he should at least be able to eat his cake before any one else has had a crack at it. Right? Oh, but it’s HARD!

I’m also getting my “menu” ready for tomorrow’s Recipe. Remember when I teased you about the yummy cocktail? Remember? Well, you’ll find out what it is tomorrow! I’m also adding a fave recipe, other people’s fave, though, because I’ve never tasted it since the main ingredient is something I LOATHE, from Take Home Chef. How cute is Curtis?

***

Okay, you didn’t know I was gone, but I was. And now I’m back after putting Dragon Tales on for Dylan (Yay for TV as a babysitter) and changing Zach’s diaper (disgusting, in case you wanted to know) after his hourS long nap.

I’m going to leave you with a few words of wisdom. I know you’re excited. I won’t keep you in suspense.

1) If you’re going to make lasagna the old fashioned way and boil the noodles (WHO does that anymore?), remember to boil the noodles.
2) If you’re going to make a chocolate cake and lasagna and you need 4 eggs and you only have 4 eggs, MAKE ABSOLUTE SURE that you don’t accidentally let one egg roll off the counter. I’ll let you know tomorrow if egg beaters works as a binder in lasagna.
3) If you hear a poop escape your just about asleep 5 month old, change the diaper and risk waking him up. You’ve been through too many white onesies to waste another one.
4) If it’s your husband’s birthday and he doesn’t like lasagna (I KNOW!? WTF?) and you do, make it anyway. He should still be appreciative of all the effort you put into making it. Plus, make chocolate cake, which he does love, to make up for the entree. It’s a win/win situation for you because you get lasagna AND chocolate cake.

Good night, good friends. I’m going to slip into a wine induced coma and dream about gouging Fred Phelps’ eyes out with a Bic pen. Oh, did I say I was moving on? Apparently I’m going to need another glass of wine.

Okay. I’m back. I’ve taken a deep breath. Actually, I’ve taken a whole lot of deep breaths and have spent the entire day contemplating my next move. What, exactly, is there left to say?

I decided on this, which is pretty much exactly what my comment was on this post by Autobiography of My Feet.

I can’t…I don’t…What…Who…I can’t…Are people really…Is it…GAH!

I can’t come up with a sane, rational, thoughtful, non-expletive laced thing. I can’t. It boggles my mind. It throws me into such a confusing, heart pounding, hand shaking RAGE that I can’t even come up with a reply. There is nothing to be said to people, like John Gibson or Fred Phelps, because they’re ignorant, hateful bastards. I’d like to think, if there is such a place as the Hell that John Phelps believes so fervently Heath Ledger is in, that HE will be the one who is destined to spend eternal damnation there. For spreading such hate. For being such a jacked up a*shole.

I’d like to think, for those of you who believe in God and the pearly gates and the depths of Hell and all that, that your God would prize someone who was a good father, a good citizen, a good, by all accounts, HUMAN BEING, above someone like Fred Phelps. Above someone who spends their time preaching hate. Above someone who lives their life guided by intolerance. But again, maybe that’s just me.

And now I’m done. I can’t think about it anymore today. I can’t spend any more of my time seething and spending my time with my chidren preoccupied and filled with a hate of my own. I’m pouring a glass of wine, and I’m moving on. For now.