AMomTwoBoys

Looks down right YUMM-O-LICIOUS, doesn’t it?

That, my friends, is Santa Maria Tri-Tip. You can find a recipe and tips on how to find it in your area (it’s not known as tri-tip throughout the country, just in our little corner of the world) here. And btw, I don’t smoke mine. Don’t tell anyone around here, because that’s TOTALLY ILLEGAL (kinda) but we just BBQ it on our good ole Gas Grill. Santa Maria is GASPING! Shhh…it’ll be okay. So there’s your recipe.

Now onto a fashion question, which may or may not ignite STRONG debate. And, if I had the time to wait for next week, I’d totally ask Tootsie Farklepants for her advice, but I don’t have that kind of time. I need to know NOW. What are your feelings on Crocs?

A certain family member (who reads this blog, comments, and shall remain nameless) who is currently visiting, was SHOCKED yesterday when my stepmom their spouse and I informed him them that Crocs, while comfortable, are not, necessarily, uh, fashionable. At all. But, that’s just our opinion. What are your feelings? Please leave a comment, or, at the very least, vote in the poll to your right. Your individual poll choice will remain secret, much to my chagrin, as I have NO WAY of figuring out who voted what. Damn. Gracias, amigos/amigas.

Next…please leave the above fashion question at the door. Or, as they would say in Court, strike that from the record, when you begin this next section. Cleared your mind? Okay good…continue on.

Dylan recieved his first Birthday present yesterday from my Dad and Stepmon who are currently visiting. It’s this:

And it’s AWESOME. He’s been busy taking all kinds of pictures, which, after we finally got him to point the camera in the right direction (see self portrait below) he’s starting to master. See for yourself.

DJ did not take this photo, but it was declared his “favorite.” I think it’s my favorite, too. The girls look pretty good. Even considering the use of a massive white nursing bra.

Plus, this means he’ll keep his grubby little paws off my camera. Which may even be used to convince DJ to agree to the purchase of a new camera. Specifically this one:

I’m going to need a lot of luck with that. A LOT.

And finally, Sweetney had this video posted on her site. Cracks me up. I thought about saving it for Make Me Laugh Monday next week, but couldn’t keep it to myself that long. It’s funny. And sad. Scary, really. Kinda brings me back to this post that I wrote a few weeks ago.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, that tiny little frivolous number? The number of US Troops killed in Iraq? It’s 3,973 now. And also, in case you’re wondering, and I know I’m going to hear from “Anonymous” or someone else about it. I DO NOT support the immediate withdrawal of US Troops, although it does sound mighty wonderful. We went in there and got them into this mess, we need to clean it up. I just hope we can figure out a way, rather quickly, to get most of our people out of there and still be able to get things settled down. Saddam Hussein was an asshole who did very bad things to people living in his country. And because I don’t want to discount the loss of innocent Iraqi life, since January 2006 approximately 38,817 Iraqi civilians & Iraqi Security Forces have been killed.

Moving on to something that really is FUNNY and highly inappropriate….one last YouTube Video. This was a submission for Make Me Laugh Monday a few weeks ago and it cracked me up. It was submitted by AFRo.

Happy Leap Day!

Wow…I just had my first major WTF INTERNET? moment. Lulu saw it…did anyone else see it? “Anonymous” has some very choice comments for the Richest 1%. Apparently they’re bringing down the world. Or the US economy at the very least. Oh, and apparently those comments belong on my post about my children and my love for TBGFM. Again, WTF?

Anyway, I’ve taken the liberty of un-allowing anonymous comments. Not really sure what kind of difference that will make, but we’ll see.

Anyway, if you’re interested in what “Anonymous” has to say, they also left the comment on my crazy Barack email post, and you can find it here. I sadly felt the need to delete it from the TBGFM post. Doesn’t belong there. It ruins the flavor of all those yummy foods.

As far as I can tell from his/her comment, the Richest 1% are really fucking smart. They’ve figured out how to get us schmo’s to pay for shit and that’s allowed them to monopolize all the money. Go them! Can you really fault them?

Oh, and “Anonymous”? If you’re going to call Oprah, or anyone for that matter, a filthy pig and/or disgusting hypocrite slob on my site, at least have the BALLS to sign your name to it. At least then you’ll have an ounce of my respect.

Zach, February 2008

Yes, that’s the same blanket (thanks Aunt Patty!). And Yes, my toes look surprisingly similar. The carpet, however, looks much, much worse. And no, I didn’t plan this little study in brotherly comparison. It just kinda happened. The universe is funny that way, sometimes.

Or, more importantly, how effing stupid are people who actually buy into this bullshit?

An email I’ve received* recently, which you may have too, in some form or another.

Regarding Barack Hussein Obama (I’ve inserted numbers where I will be making remarks at the end of the email)

“Very interesting and something that should be considered in your choice.

If you do not ever forward anything else, please forward this to all your contacts…this is very scary to think of what lies ahead of us here in our own United States…better heed this and pray about it and share it.

We checked this out on ” snopes.com“. It is factual. Check for yourself. (1)

Who is Barack Obama?

Probable U. S. presidential candidate, Barack Hussein Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii , to Barack Hussein Obama, Sr., a black MUSLIM from Nyangoma-Kogel , Kenya and Ann Dunham, a white ATHIEST from Wichita, Kansas . Obama’s parents met at the University of Hawaii. (2)When Obama was two years old, his parents divorced. (3) His father returned to Kenya . His mother then married Lolo Soetoro, a RADICAL Muslim from Indonesia . When Obama was 6 years old, the family relocated to Indonesia . Obama attended a MUSLIM school in Jakarta . He also spent two years in a Catholic school. (4) Obama takes great care to conceal the fact that he is a Muslim. He is quick to point out that, “He was once a Muslim, but that he also attended Catholic school.” Obama’s political handlers are attempting to make it appear that that he is not a radical. Obama’s introduction to Islam came via his father, and that this influence was temporary at best. In reality, the senior Obama returned to Kenya soon after the divorce, and never again had any direct influence over his son’s education. Lolo Soetoro, the second husband of Obama’s mother, Ann Dunham, introduced his stepson to Islam. Obama was enrolled in a Wahabi school in Jakarta . Wahabism is the RADICAL teaching that is followed by the Muslim terrorists who are now waging Jihad against the western world. Since it is politically expedient to be a CHRISTIAN when seeking major public office in the United States , Barack Hussein Obama has joined the United Church of Christ in an attempt! to downplay his Muslim background. ALSO, keep in mind that when he was sworn into office he DID NOT use the Holy Bible, but instead the Koran. (5) Barack Hussein Obama will NOT recite the Pledge of Allegience nor will he show any reverence for our flag. (6) While others place their hands over their hearts, Obama turns his back to the flag and slouches. (7) Let us all remain alert concerning Obama’s expected presidential candidacy. The Muslims (8) have said they plan on destroying the US from the inside out, what better way to start than at the highest level - through thePresident of the United States , one of their own!!!! Please forward to everyone you know. Would you want this man leading our country?…… NOT ME!!!”

Holy Shit, people. I don’t even know where to start. Oh, yes I do because I’ve conveniently numbered it for my reading pleasure.

1) Snopes.com (is AWESOME if you don’t know that already) refutes this entire email. See for yourself. Really, they do. But whoever masterminded this email banked on the fact that you’d be too stupid to check for yourself.
2) Oh crap, his parents were college educated. This CAN NOT be good.
3) Divorced parents? Where is this world headed?
4) No shit, he’s Catholic? I really MAY have to re-think my voting choice now.
5) That was another black Senator. But that’s an easy mistake because I know it’s hard to tell the difference when all African American men look alike. Right?
6)

Oh yeah, and this too

7) Maybe he just needs a good Chiropractor? (That’s just too ridiculous to even comment on)
“The Muslims”. Really, ALL of them? Wow.

*It was sent to me by someone who was like “What the F*CK? This is ridiculous!” That someone will remained nameless, unless they’d like to claim their identity.

Also, this:

The audacity of the radical Muslim/Islamic Militant Presidential hopeful to be respectful of the culture of the country in which he is a visitor. Mind you, this is most likely being circulated (because I don’t buy into the whole Hilary Clinton “anonymous” staffer thing), as a BAD thing, by the very same people who strongly believe that if you come to America you should speak English. Period. Hypocritical much?

And let’s end with this.

Because it’s Make Me Laugh Monday and I don’t have an original thought in my head. And because when I read this last week I thought it was hilarious and I’m pretty sure that if I did this with my comments it wouldn’t be nearly as funny. Not because you guys aren’t funny, but because…oh, hell. Whatever. Maybe I’ll try it someday and see what I come up with.

So, go read this from The Bloggess.

Have a G-R-E-A-T Make Me Laugh Monday!

And for more Make Me Laugh Monday go visit Absolutely Bananas!

As I drink Corona with lime because, YES, I AM that classy and GASP! I RAN OUT OF WINE. It’s never happened before and, as I swear on the very breath in my body, It. Will. NEVER. Happen. Again.

And now to the Oscars…

Funny Category-
1) Jon Stewart: Something to the effect of: “The only time we ever see a black or a woman President is if an asteroid is about to hit the Empire State Building”
2) Jon Stewart: Something to the effect of: “Oscar is 80 this year, which makes him the automatic front runner for the GOP nomination”
3) Um, okay, so, yeah. This isn’t nearly as good as I’d hoped.

WTF? Category-
1) Katherine Heigl- Really? You’re THAT nervous? Come on.
2) A Happy Little Working Song…seriously? Oscar nominated?
3) Keri Russell’s husband’s hair? She lets him out of the house like that?
4) Where the hell is Ben Affleck? Is he there and I just haven’t seen him? Jen’s there. His brother, who is nominated for HIS movie is there, but I haven’t seen him. What’s up with that? Can you explain it, internets? Can you?

Ahhhh… Category-
1) George Clooney…enough said
2) The Rock. Can YOU smell what The Rock is cooking? Because I can and I’d like some.
3) Javier Bardem kissing Josh Brolin. That’s not REALLY my cup of tea, but if it were…HELLO! Am I right or am I right?

Meghan’s Picks For Best Dressed-
1) Sarah Larson, simply because George Clooney was on her arm. He’d make anybody look good.
2) Keri Russell. I wasn’t a fan of her dress, but thought she looked really pretty above the chest. I’m sure the men would argue that her chest looked good too. Whatev.

Holy Shit Category-
1) Who is that little girl singing? Wow.
2) OMG, it’s Owen Wilson. Yay!

Best Speeches Category-
1) Marion Cotillard- I’m just going to leave it at that and say no one else wins for this category. Voting is closed. She is freaking adorable.

And is it just me, or is anybody else SO happy that Nicole Kidman got away from that whack job Tom Cruise? Keith Urban is SO MUCH HOTTER and less insane. Even given his struggles with drug & alcohol abuse. I’d totally pick him over Tom Scientology. In a heartbeat.

Oh, and have any of you ever tried to watch the Oscars while listening to this? I’ll bet the answer is no. Again, the most annoying sound ever. Or, at least to ever come out of an adorable little baby.

And this wasn’t even as bad as it was for most of the night. It drove me crazy. I finally just put him in his swing and ignored him. I didn’t know what else to do with him. Poor kid. He’s SO a second child.

P.S. I got bored and stopped paying attention. So, my list did not have anything added to it after about 7:15pm. I’m the worst Oscar commentator ever. Really. Ever.

Okay, just kidding. ‘Cause Diablo Cody just won for best screenplay. Awesome, even though I’ve not seen the movie. Now that’s stepping out of the box.

Surprise! I did it! I finally got a tattoo. Isn’t it purdy? I still need to go back to have it “filled in” with some color. It represents the four most important things in my life: DJ, Dylan, Zach and blogging. One circle for each. I might have a stem & some leaves added later to make it look like a flower. I’m not sure. I still haven’t really decided how to finalize it.

You didn’t believe me, did you? That’s actually a burn I received a faw days ago from my damned hair dryer when I developed Butter-Finger Syndrome and dropped it. It hurt like a bitch, but it is kinda pretty, right? Thats what I’m telling myself in the event that it creates a scar.

On another note, I was about ready to call in professional nanny/wet nurse assistance last night when Zach suddenly developed Mother-Effing Insomina. Of course this occurred when I felt like ass and was lying in bed as still as could be taking deep breaths and thinking “HolymotherofgodI’mgoingtothrowupanymomentanditsgoingtobehorriblepleasemakeitstop.”

For some reason he decided to pick last night to use me as a pacifier because his ACTUAL pacifier just Would. Not. Do. All night. ALL freakin’ NIGHT. Plus, he started making that godawful noise again yesterday and he also thought that he’d use last night as an opportunity to perfect it. So I couldn’t even ignore him and hope he’d go back to sleep. That noise reverberated throughout the house and was SURE to wake Dylan up. He never even cried. And every time I went in there he’d get all excited and smile and kick his crib and pound his little arms on the mattress as he does every time I go into his room to get him. He’s a little shit. He was just wide awake and wanted to spend time with someone. He did not understand my explanation that mommy was tired and felt like crap, or if he did understand he didn’t even care.

He’s lucky he’s so damn cute.

Have you ever bought anything from an infomercial? Like a juicer or a meat roasting contraption or soap? Or have you ever bought anything BECAUSE of an infomercial? Like, you were too embarassed to actually order it form the 800 number, so you logged on to the website or Amazon or EBay to purchase it, or snatched it up when you saw it at Target or the As Seen On TV Store? Or, have you ever jumped in your car and driven directly to the As Seen On TV Store for a specific item immediately after seeing it on TV?

I ask this because A) it’s Saturday morning and my TV is littered with “Paid Programming” and B) because I’m actually considering ordering something I’ve Seen On TV. Two things, actually.

First, I totally want to jump onto the “Bare Minerals” bandwagon. Really. I do. I’ve even figured out what shade I need to order (light to medium). My hope, as is the hope of any dope who’s ever fallen for the claims of an infomercial, is that it actually IS AS AWESOME AS THEY CLAIM. Will I end up with flawless looking skin? Will it make my skin glow and radiate and shine and reflect light and make me look downright awesome? Will it? Will it? Will it? Can you tell me? Will it?

Second, I want, no, I NEED, the Pancake Puffs pan. Hello?! Pepperoni Pizza Puffs? Meatball Sandwich Puffs? Pigs In A Blanket Puffs? Sign me up! Right. Now. I know, I know, I astound you with my gourmet sensibilities. But really, I want it. That shit is right up my alley. I wonder if you could stick mozzarella (or better yet, smoked mozzarella) tomato & basil in there? Are the possibilities really endless? Could I spend hours coming up with Puffs recipes and then come back to you to report on them? Then, you too could order a Pancake Puffs pan and join in on the fun! OMG! It could be a whole blog carnival thing. Like, every Tuesday (what day doesn’t have a gimmick attached to it yet? I can’t keep up) we could all come together and make some sort of puff recipe. Just kidding. That totally wouldn’t work, but that’s JUST HOW EXCITED I am about my impending perfectly palatable Pancake Puff pan purchase.

And, in the interest of full disclosure, the two things I’ve purchased from informercials are:
1) ProActiv as a zitty, oily skinned teen ager. It worked. I used it until about two years ago when I crossed my fingers and hoped that age and pregnancy had changed my skin enough that I would be able to survive without it. It had. Although I still keep some on hand Just. In. Case. Like, for when I develop a zit on my chin, which happend yesterday. Sweet. I’m 15 again.
2) Winsor Pilates. 20 minutes a day, three days a week?! Even I could do that. And, I’ll look like Daily Fuentes. Awesome. Sadly, the VHS tapes are stacked with all my other VHS tapes in the cabinet in my bedroom.

So, have you ever ordered something from an infomercial? Have you ever WANTED to order something from an Infomercial but didn’t? And, I didn’t even upon up the can of worms that is QVC, HSN or the best one EVER, Celebrity Shopping Network. And I had NO idea that ProActiv & Winsor Pilates would be the top two products on the CSN homepage until I just went there. Awesome. See how awesome I am?

Most importantly, though…Will Bare Minerals work for me? Will it?

Because it’s supposed to rain here today and because it’s snowing/icing elsewhere in the country. Or at the very least it may well be damn cold where you are.

Oh, and because anything by Paula Deen, especially with this much butter, must be good. And it’s SUPAH easy. You, yes YOU can do this. Especially if you buy frozen, chopped onion. It’ll save you a step, and as far as I’m concerned, not having to chop onion is a HUGE advantage. Oh, and if you’re a vegetarian, you can just use Vegetable Broth instead of Chicken Broth. But you probably already knew that.

1 cup (2 sticks) butter
1 small onion, diced
1 small carrot, finely diced
1 small celery stalk, diced
1 clove garlic, minced
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
3 cups white corn kernels, fresh or frozen
3 cups chicken stock
2 cups half-and-half
Pinch freshly grated nutmeg
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

Melt 1 stick of butter in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add the onion, carrot, celery, and garlic, and saute for 2 minutes. Add the flour and stir to make a roux. (Stir constantly, don’t let the rue darken too much or you’ll have to start over ’cause it’ll taste icky) Cook until the roux is lightly browned; set aside to cool to room temperature.

Meanwhile, combine the corn and chicken stock in another saucepan, and bring to a boil. Simmer for 10 minutes. Pour the boiling stock with the corn (a little at a time) into the saucepan with the roux, whisking briskly so it doesn’t lump. Return the skillet to the heat and bring to a boil. The mixture should become very thick.

In a small saucepan, gently heat the half-and-half; stir it into the thick corn mixture. Add the nutmeg and salt and pepper, to taste. Just before serving, cut the remaining stick of butter into large chunks. Add it to enrich the soup, stirring until the butter melts.

*Now come on, that’s easy, right? And don’t let the term “Rue” scare you. It’s simply equal parts of butter (or other fat like olive oil) and flour that you mix together and use to thicken soups and stews, or sauces. That’s not scary, is it? Nope…it’s yummy.