AMomTwoBoys

I just saw this on TV for the first time. Oh My God…this is actually ON TV. As if it actually makes people WANT to buy it. Marketing to men is very different than marketing to women, no?

I’m just glad the old guy at the beginning didn’t put his hand…down “there”.

Enjoy your Monday and go visit Absolutely Bananas for more MMLM!

Not the actual one outside my door. Image provided by Google. The one outside my door is MUCH more menacing looking. For Reals.

That, my friends, is a Potato Bug. Now, growing up, I knew Potato Bugs as these tiny, docile creatures:

NOT the freakish, nasty, shiver inducing, HUGE, disgusting, alien looking things that reside here in lovely California (and elsewhere? I’m too chicken shit to even look up much information on them because even LOOKING at them makes me squirm- so you’re welcome for posting a photo here for you all to look at!). Anyway, the first time I ever saw one of these THINGS was actually the night I met DJ (warning sign?!). The daughter of the woman who’s house we were at came screaming over to us that there was “A Potato Bug! A Potato Bug! Help! Help! Kill it! Kill it!” “Good lord” I thought “What a wussy” and then she took me over to it and from that moment on, my life has NEVER been the same. I live in constant fear of the things. They appear as if from nowhere. They’re big and they look mean. And, the one on my patio just attacked Tahoe (see below) who yelped as if someone had stuck a knife in his eye. It is safely contained underneath a metal trash can lid until DJ gets home and can dispose of it properly. I would get rid of it if it were dead, but there’s no way in Hell I’m going to get near one of those things alive.

And because I can’t leave you with photos of that thing, here are a few more, in keeping with the alien theme.

I call this, Alien Pig:

I call this collection “Close Encounters of the Kissing Kind”

Have a good day! I hope I didn’t induce any potato bug nightmares. I hope your children were not sitting on your lap when you looked at this. I hope you’ll come back again!

Dear Self:

In honor of Easter. Thanks to Slow Panic for the MMLM inspiration!

For more MMLM go visit Absolutely Bananas!

*I know, I know…it’s supposed to be a “Peep Show” which is what I called it over at AB’s place. BUT, just to be difficult and inappropriate, I decided to rename it here. So, at AM2B’s it’s a strip tease. But everywhere else, it’s a Peep show. Got it? Good.

**Amended again to make it perfectly clear that I had NOTHING to do with the creation of this image. I simply copied and pasted it into this post. I’m not nearly creative enough to come up with this idea, let alone bring it to fruition. Fruition? You get my drift.

For more Weekly Winners visit Sarcastic Mom!

Okay, so maybe “know” is a teeny, tiny stretch. Maybe I should have said I “know of” so many famous people.

Today for you, I have two confessions and also a double dose Tivo Alert. I know, I know. I spoil you. Truly.

So let’s get started.

1) I watch the Today Show. Every day. Except Monday & Friday because I leave the house before the show even begins, but every other day, including Saturday & Sunday, I watch it. And, I like it. Are you gasping? Turning away from your computer screen in horror? Before you shake your head and erase me from your Google Reader, let me give you a few “excepts”:

• I can’t stand Ann Curry
• Meredith Viera bugs me sometimes too. Not as much as from her “The View” days. But that’s another story all together and I’ll share that with you at another time.

A few reasons I like what I see:

• Tiki Barber

Okay, that’s just ONE reason, but it’s enough. And MORE than makes up for the uber-annoying Ann Curry and mildly-annoying Meredith Veira. Oh, and I like Giada DeLaurentis. And Natalie Moralis. And Lester Holt and David Gregory and Amy Roebuck.

And, the reason I know of famous people and am talking about The Today Show- Stefanie from Baby on Bored is going to be on the show this Tuesday! She’s been battling some major Post Partum Depression lately, following the early birth of her twins, but somehow still finds a way to be funny (she is a stand up comedian after all) and to promote her new book “Nap Time Is The New Happy Hour.” So yay for Stefanie!

2) I am obsessed like to watch the Food Network.

Like, ALL the damn time. Serisously. ALL. THE. TIME. Right now, even. Giada’s on (see above). I particulary like the regular joe, joe schmoe* shows. Like Food 911, Rescue Chef, Throwdown With Bobby Flay, or when they do the chef profiles. I watched them all. Did you know that Giada had a brother who died? Or that Sandra Lee is ridiculously rich** because she created all these crazy decorating things when she was younger? Or that her parents abandoned her and she was raised by her Grandmother but then had to raise her siblings herself so that’s where she got all her Semi-Homemade cooking ideas from? You’d know that if you’d watched the chef profile shows. You would. Really. You would.

Which brings me to another famous person I know of, Amalah, who in real life is known as Amy Storch. Did you know that? Did’ja? Did’ja?

Anyway, she and her husband were duped into being judges on Mother Fucking Throwdown with Bobby Flay***! I KNOW!!!! How awesome is that? Her husband, Jason, created and edits a food blog, aptly named DC Foodies.****

*Did any of you watch (a few years ago now) The Joe Schmo Show on Spike TV? It was a “reality show” that was completely staged except for this one guy who thought it was totally real. It was AWESOME. If you ever see it, watch it. You won’t be disappointed. I promise.
**This claim is unsubstantiated. The profile of Sandra Lee in no way said she was ridiculously rich, but it was inferred.
***This is not the ACTUAL title of the show. In reality, it’s called “Throwdown with Bobby Flay” but in this instance, Mother Fucking Throwdown with Bobby Flay works so much better.
****I could TOTALLY start my own blog, called Santa Maria Foodies, but I’ve actually seen lists where the top rated restaurants in my town were Applebee’s, Marie Callendr’s and Olive Garden, to name a few. Sad, isn’t it?

I mean really. She’s a cute girl. Clean. Expensive. Aren’t expensive call girls WAY more classy than picking up a $5.00 hooker on the street, ala Hugh Grant?

Just kidding. I haven’t weighed in on this whole subject because I can’t really come up with anything to say, expect WTF? What could he POSSIBLY have been thinking?

As usual, though, Stephen Colbert made me laugh. Thought you might enjoy this too. My favorite part is when he asks Spitzer “What if Obama went to prostitutes?” and when he says he’s the “meat in a Spitzer sandwich.”

Now THAT’s funny.

George Clooney & John Krasinski in a movie TOGETHER! Remember? They’re BOTH on my “List“.

A word of warning. I highly recommend that you pop a few tylenol or excedrin or maybe even some valium before reading this. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

So, here we go.

It has become increasingly obvious that I need to get off my ass and figure out what the hell I’m going to do about the whole preschool sitch-e-a-shun for Dylan. My thought is that I’d like to get him into something for the fall season. Hopefully I don’t run into too many waiting lists.

And so it begins. Below are the thoughts running through my head on a fairly constant basis.

Preschool? Preschool? Holy shit, he’s ready for preschool. But what KIND of preschool? Do I put him in one that’s held in somebody’s house or do I put him in one that’s a little more like real school? Or do I put him in a Montessori, which is IN FACT a real school. And having said that, do I put him in one up here where we live or in Santa Barbara where we spend a lot of time. If I put him in school up here I need to be HERE while he’s THERE so I’m not an hour away should any injury or bomb threat occur, which means I can’t go to SB on those days, which means I’d have to rule out Fridays because that’s payday and is definitely a day I HAVE to be in SB. So, I could do MWF mornings in SB, but that would mean I’d have to be in SB 3 days a week, instead of the usual 2, which isn’t really a huge deal, but SB days are rough on little baby Zach who doesn’t sleep well and, truth be told, I don’t really want to force him (or me for that matter) to be out of our comfort zone, aka our house, more than I need to. I’m a stay at HOME mom for a reason, no? I could, I suppose, put Dylan in ALL DAY school on Wednesdays, and DJ could drop him off and pick him up which would give Zach and I the opportunity to stay home on Wednesdays by ourselves and have some alone time together, which would be really nice. We’ve never really had that opportunity. Or, I could change things up all together and put him in school up here on Tuesdays/Thursdays. That, however, would force us out of Dylan’s playgroup, which, let’s face it, is more about me hanging out with my MOMs Club lady friend’s. That wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Or would it? Also, if he were in school on Tuesday/Thursday and we’re in SB on Monday/Friday, he’d only have 1 day at home during the week, which doesn’t really give me the warm fuzzies. He’ll only be 3 1/2 or 4 for crying out loud, which is still pretty little and I’M not really ready to be “rid” of him. I like having him around.

Which brings me back to what KIND of school to put him in. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the idea of Montessori. Play learning? How awesome is that? That, to me, is right up Dylan’s alley as he’s a smart little bugger who learns most things from doing puzzles and such and has never really been the kind of kid you can DIRECT. He marches to his own beat and does not like being told what to do or how to do it. That’s why I think Montessori would be good for him. He’d be the one “in charge” of his learning, with help from the teachers. BUT, maybe being in a structured environment would really HELP him and teach him how to conform? That word makes me cringe. That’s not what I want. Is it really conforming? I’m not sure that’s right, but that’s what it makes me think of. He’ll sit and concentrate on building a house with Lincoln Logs or putting together a puzzle and when complete, will jump up, arms raised in celebration and will yell “What we do next?” and will shortly be off to the next activity. I can’t picture him following a schedule that has him sitting patiently in a circle while someone reads a book or sitting in a seat while a teacher talks at him. Not, at least, at this stage in life. But I also can’t picture him spending his entire elementary education at a Montessori. Or maybe I can. GAK! BLAK! ARRGHH!! AHHH!!!!!

Maybe I need the valium.