AMomTwoBoys

Following this post and this post I have a whole new attitude towards life.  And my new found feeling of something-or-otherness has left me with a new spring in my step.  I’m calling it something-or-other because I’m not entirely sure what else to call it.  Independence isn’t right.  Freedom isn’t right.  Worthiness isn’t right.  So I’m left with calling it either something-or-other or Freedendence. 

You see, my friends, the realization that I CAN and SHOULD do things for myself, by myself, has opened up a whole new world of possibilities.  I now have the knowledge that not only can I spoil myself a bit, I SHOULD spoil myself a bit.  And that’s huge. 

I got a mani/pedi yesterday with my sisters-in-law. It was pre-planned and it was awesome.  It was relaxing.  I was pampered.  I was feeling fresh and saucy.  My toes and fingers are Magnifico Mexico and let me tell you, it IS magnifico.  The knowledge that I was doing something, two somethings, for myself was empowering.  It even led to me feeling brave enough (without alcohol!) to stand up for myself when the usual Conservative-Fox News propaganda started spewing in my direction from my Father-in-law.  And let me tell you, I was the one spewing when all was said and done.  There was yelling, there were curse words, there was storming off.  All done by me and it was AWESOME. 

You see, normally I just smile and nod, or leave the room so as to avoid getting into an argument.  But yesterday?  Yesterday I couldn’t help myself.  Yesterday it all just bubbled over.  Yesterday I felt like there was no reason for me to keep my mouth shut any longer.  I have opinions.  I have a right to state them.  And state them I did.  Yesterday I RAWR’d. 

I’m suddenly fiesty.  And fiery.  And unfortunately for DJ, this newfound saucy attitude doesn’t translate to other areas.  (Hi dad!) 

So I spent today working on the Weekly Shout Out for AllMediocre, and I took my time.  And I visited blogs I haven’t been to in a long time, or even ever.  And I shouted-out and I didn’t feel guilty about it.  Because AllMediocre is my project.  It’s my something that is mine and that I have the ability to make awesome.  And BIGGER.  And BETTER.  And I’m going to. 

And you’re going to have to forgive me if my comments on your posts have dropped off.  Please don’t take it personally.  I still love you and adore you.  I still stop by and read, but AM is taking a lot of my internet time.  And it’s time I have to spend there if I’m going to make it what I think it should be.  And if you’re an AM’er please forgive my lack of comments on your blogs as well, but know that it’s (hopefully!) in your best interests!  I’m working on plugging you, on plugging AllMediocre.  Speaking of which, AllMediocre is on Kirtsy…get over there and give it the love it deserves!  I’m trying to figure out how the hell to get it on StumbleUpon, but that site is still beyond my comprehension…anyone?  Anyone? 

And now I’m going to go eat my Vanilla Frosty from Wendy’s.  Because I deserve that too! 

PS- Spell check doesn’t recognize “freedendence” as a word.  It is suggesting I change it to Rotundness (excuse me Wordpress, maybe it’s not a good idea to insult your users), Redundency (could probably work to describe me occassionally) or Fraternity’s (?). 

PPS- I realize that I used italics entirely too much today.  But you know what?  I don’t care.

After yesterday’s post I was in a melancholy mood all day long.  And then my dad & sister sent out emails with content that, although laughable, was really just depressing and I was in even more of a funk.  (In case you’re interested, this is the video my dad emailed out and this was my sister’s response). 

The kids both napped, which was nice, but they wouldn’t nap at the same time, which wasn’t nice.  So, by the time 4:00pm rolled around I was MORE THAN READY for my planned wine drinking, snack eating, chatting, kid-included get together with some of my girlfriends. (Hi girls!).   Where, of course, I re-hashed my entire post from yesterday and asked what they thought.  They pretty much told me what you all had told me, which gave me the kick in the pants I needed to actually approach DJ with my whole plan. 

I was prepared.  I had all my arguments mapped out in my head.  I was going to be effective and convincing.  I was going to be FIRM.  So, I took a deep breath and started in.  We had a VERY LONG AND IN DEPTH conversation about it.  Here’s how it went:

Me:  So…I really want to go to that blogging conference in San Francisco in a few weeks, and…

Him:  So go.

Me:  Uh…what?  But I had arguments and reasons and all kinds of intelligent things to say about it. 

Him:  Do we have the money?

Me:  Well, if I do this, this, this and this I can make it work.

Him:  So go.  Have I ever told you that you weren’t allowed to do something?  If you really want to go, then go. 

Yay!  I’m off to register and figure out my rooming situation.  And guess what?!  I’m going to meet her and her and her and her and her and her! Yay!

Jennifer wrote this post the other day, which mirrored my life and inspired me to write a post of my own…

I’ve always wanted to be a mom. More importantly, to be a stay at home mom. To spend my days playing with, cuddling with, laughing with, and ENJOYING my kids. To be there for every smile, tear, spit up, first step, first word. I couldn’t imagine sending my kids to daycare and PAYING someone else to be there for each new milestone.

And I love what I do. I know that I’m lucky. I know that, even on the worst days at home, that I’d still take it over going to a 9-5 job. Or even a 9-1 job. I’d gladly change every stinky, messy diaper, put up with every crappy attitude, and wipe every snotty nose.

But I do it 24/7, 365 days a year. I rarely get a break. MAYBE once every few months I go to Mom’s Night Out with my MOMs Club friends, for a few hours. Occasionally I have lunch in Santa Barbara withsome of my girlfriend’s and my mother-in-law watches one, or both, of the kids. But that’s it. Other than those few outings, my life is CONSUMED with my children, my husband and my house. Making dinner, vacuuming, laundry, sweeping, cleaning the bathrooms. And that’s what is expected of me. That’s what my JOB is, and I get it. But sometimes I need a break.

Anytime anything like this comes up, DJ says “But this is what you WANTED. You WANT to stay home. To be a mom.” And YES, that’s true and I wouldn’t change it for anything, but if I’d always dreamed of being a pilot or a dancer, I’d still get days off. Breaks. Vacation time. And I’d relish them. I wouldn’t be expected to be on call ALL THE TIME. Every moment. And if I were, I certainly wouldn’t be expected to always enjoy it.

This IS what I wanted. This IS what I’ve always dreamed of. But not at the expense of losing myself. Not at the expense of becoming someone who lives only to take care of her husband and her children.

Being a stay at home mom is rewarding. It’s fulfilling in it’s own right. But vacuuming up scads of dog hair and mopping the floors isn’t what I’ve always dreamed of doing. It simply comes with the territory. I do it because that’s what is implicitly expected of someone who stays home. But that’s not what is PERCEIVED. Talk to certain people and they’ll go on and on about the fact that, as a stay at home mom, we get to sit on the couch and eat bon-bons all day. We get to play, to relax all day. NO STRESS HERE! What do WE have to worry about, making it to our KinderMusik class on time? Really! Come on! It’s not hard! You GET TO STAY HOME. You don’t have to WORK. To bring in MONEY. THAT’S HARD. Being a Mom isn’t HARD. It’s not WORK. It’s not STRESSFUL. It’s playing with kids all day long. IT IS A VACATION.

But they don’t take into account the TIME and EFFORT put into cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, taking out the trash, doing the dishes, scrubbing the sink, cleaning out the fridge, cooking dinner, shopping for groceries, putting groceries away, paying bills, worrying about bills, doing laundry, folding laundry, putting laundry away, changing diapers, feeding kids, cleaning up after feeding kids, cleaning up after EVERYONE, worrying about kids, getting the oil changed, scheduling and going to Dr.’s appts, bathing children…the list goes on and on.

Most of this arises form the fact that it’s killing me that I can’t go to BlogHer. KILLING. ME. A few days away, to meet, hang out with and connect with all you awesome ladies I’ve met over the past 7 months. A few days to unwind, to not have to change a diaper, prepare a bottle (maybe a drink or two!), or help someone pee on the potty (hopefully). A few days about ME. And why can’t I go? Because I can’t justify taking DJ’s hard earned money and spending it on something related to blogging. I can’t come up with a good enough explanation as to why he should go to work to make money so that I can spend it to go on a trip, by myself. Because the excuse “But it will be SO GOOD for networking! For meeting people! For plugging AllMediocre, which, in the long run, MIGHT just make us some money!” doesn’t seem good enough. I don’t bring any money in for our family. And that puts me in an awkward position. I manage our finances, since I’m the one paying the bills, depositing the paycheck and making sure everything’s kosher, but I don’t have CONTROL over them. I can’t decide I’m going to go to Vegas on a whim. Both because I have two children to look after and because I can’t take the money from the family pot without an overwhelming sense of guilt. Because I didn’t EARN any of it.

So, what’s a girl to do? I’m going to buy myself a few nice bottles of wine and save them to drink July 17th – 20th. And I’m not going to feel guilty about it.

*PS, I CAN NOT come up with a title, so I figured I’d just leave it blank for now.  Any ideas?

Cereal Dieter, a new member of my AllMediocre Posse, tagged me for a One Word Meme. Clearly she’s new to the world of AMomTwoBoys, otherwise she would know that asking me to do ANYTHING using only one word is asking A LOT. But, I’m going to give it a go:

1. Where is your cell phone? couch

2. Your significant other? DJ

3. Your hair? Wet

4. Your mother? Funny

5. Your father? smart-ass

6. Your favorite thing? Caprese

7. Your dream last night? ?

8 Your favorite drink? Wine

9. Your dream/goal? Debt

10. The room you’re in? Living

11. Your hobby? this

12. Your fear? Accidents

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? SannaBahbra-ish

14. What you’re not? Crafty

15. Muffins? Please

16. One of your wish list items? Boat

17. Where you grew up? NY

18. The last thing you did? Shower

19. What are you wearing? Sweats

20. Favorite Gadget? Remote

21. Your pets? Annoying

22. Your computer? 17″

23. Your mood? Crabby

24. Missing someone? Nope

25. Your car? Cheerios

26. Something you’re not wearing? Makeup

27. Favorite store? Target

28. Like someone? Z

29. Your favorite color? Green

30. When was the last time you laughed? Earlier

31. Last time you cried? Dunno

I’m not going to tag anyone, but if you do it, let me know so I can check it out! And if you’re an AllMediocre peep, I’ll add it to this week’s shout outs!

I’m also going to take the time to answer these questions the way I normally would. Grab a drink, get comfortable. This might take a while:

1. Where is your cell phone? On the couch next to me because I’ve been on the phone with either my mother or my sister for a good part of the morning.

2. Your significant other? DJ’s at work, per the usual weekday routine.

3. Your hair? I just got out of the shower, so it’s wet and in a ponytail. Not planning on leaving the house today, so no need to bother with it.

4. Your mother? Known round these parts as Grandmaother. She fancy’s herself a pretty clever blog commenter. And I’ve have to agree.

5. Your father? IS a Smart-Ass, which is where I get my mad skillz from.

6. Your favorite thing? What kind of favorite thing? Shit, that’s hard to answer. My kids, definitely. A good glass of heavy red wine. A nice cold caprese salad is what’s on my mind right now.

7. Your dream last night? I can’t remember, I was too tired.

8 Your favorite drink? Wine. Or iced tea. Or a nice glass of ice water, depending on my mood.

9. Your dream/goal? Again, there are so many to choose from. Getting out of debt is a good one, though, because it would open up so many other doors.  **Edited to clarify, because I suddenly got a comment from someone random who says they’ve been reading and are “finally” commenting, and OH LOOK!  He has a blog about getting out of debt…what a coincidence.  Anyhoo- we aren’t drowning in debt, I just think it would be nice to not have loan or credit card payments every month…I can only imagine what we could save and buy.  Like save for a new house, which in Santa Barbara County is NOT CHEAP, or buy new furniture, or whatever.  You get my drift?**

10. The room you’re in? The living room. Which is where I spend 90% of my awake time. I’m avoiding heading into the kitchen/dining room because I have to mop and I don’t want to.

11. Your hobby? Duh. Blogging.

12. Your fear? That something bad will happen to my children.

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? In 6 years, and hopefully sooner, I hope we’ll be living closer to Santa Barbara so that DJ doesn’t have to spend so much time in the car and so that we’re not surrounded by dust & wind on a constant basis. Blech.

14. What you’re not? There are a lot of things I’m not. Crafty being one of them. Patient being another.

15. Muffins? I don’t really get this one, but if you’re asking if I’d like a muffin, I suppose the answer is “Yes, Please” more often than it is “No, Thanks”. Unless it’s Bran. That’s not appealing.

16. One of your wish list items? A boat of our very own. One day, maybe.

17. Where you grew up? I grew up all over, but since I spent my middle & high school years in Warwick, New York, I consider myself to be from there.

18. The last thing you did? I took a shower. But I didn’t bother to shave, so it wasn’t that productive.

19. What are you wearing? I’m actually wearing my Las Vegas Knock Out pants. For Real. They’re actually really comfortable.

20. Favorite Gadget? Definitely the Remote right now. I AM that lazy.

21. Your pets? Are sweet, but are really annoying.

22. Your computer? 17″ Dell Laptop. I wanna go Mac, just can’t get up the guts to make the switch.

23. Your mood? I woke up crabby today. Not sure why, but it’s not wearing off. Lucky kids.

24. Missing someone? Not at this very moment. Maybe my new niece Naomi, but I’ve never even met her, so can I miss her? Do you have to have met someone to miss them?

25. Your car? My car is COVERED in cheerios and many other childhood food items. It’s in need of a good vacuum.

26. Something you’re not wearing? Makeup, socks. That’s about all I can think of.

27. Favorite store? Target for everyday stuff. Ann Taylor Loft is always good, too.

28. Like someone? The lovely Z of Autobiography Of My Feet made me smile today, so I have to go with her right now.

29. Your favorite color? Do I really have to pick just one? Green. Yellow. Blue & Brown combined.

30. When was the last time you laughed? The boys keep me laughing all day long.

31. Last time you cried? I can’t really remember. Which, I suppose, is a good thing.

Okay, I’m done now!

Or…maybe this is what raising boys is like. But, DUDE, either way, it sucks. And it’s awesome. But it sucks.

First and foremost, in the event that you weren’t already aware, I (proudly) consider myself a feminist. As in the “Ladies with vaginas can do whatever men with penis’ can do” kinda way, not the “Down with men” kinda way. Not that that second kinda way is AT ALL what feminism is about, but there are some people who would like to lead you to believe that. And that’s just not right.

But, I digress. First off, it’s become painfully obvious that I need to introduce Dylan to the world of feminism. In the past week I’ve been told that “Girls can’t drive tractors” and that “Girls can’t throw a football.” AS IF. Clearly I have some work to do here. Momma ain’t gonna raise no backwards thinkin’ boy. Even if Momma uses bad grammar.

Second, he totally kicked his little brother’s ass last night. ON PURPOSE. Zach had pulled himself up so that he was standing at the edge of the (kid sized) recliner that Dylan was sitting in. And what does Dylan do? He takes his foot and shoves it into Zach, which causes Zach to careen backwards and end up laid out flat on the living room floor, crying. Dylan’s response? At first, sheer terror at what he’d done and what my reaction would be. Then he tried to explain himself. His explanation as to why he did it was because “He was reachin’ for my drink.” Oh, well in THAT case. Please, continue to kick your little brother to the floor whenever you so desire. I’m sure his 10 month old self totally deserves it. TOTALLY.

As for Zach? He survived, although he’s once again terrified of heights and no longer enjoys being lifted up in the air above my head, which is usually one of his favorite things. The poor little guy’s eyes get as big as saucers and he starts to make this high pitched shrieky noise as he desperately tries to grab some part of me to hold on to with a kung-fu death grip. It’s sad. And a little amusing, which is why I keep doing it.

I suppose I need to get used to them beating up on each other. And if Zach weren’t still a baby, I’d probably care a little less. Although, kicking and punching will certainly be something that will never be allowed. Like that’s going to keep it from happening.

So…what are you sibling rivalry tales and what do you do to solve the issues? I’m going to need some help in the future.

If I’d seen this in a movie, I would have scoffed.  I would have laughed and thought to myself, or even said out loud, “That’s SO fake.  That’s stupid.  That would NEVER happen in real life.”  But I’d have been wrong, because apparently it does happen in real life.

Bwah! We went out on the boat again yesterday and it was Kuh-Razy! There were, I kid you not, HUNDREDS of dolphins surrounding us. Jumping, bow riding…pretty much just having a gay old time, much to our amusement and enjoyment. It was awesome. Wish you could have been there!

Things I Never Thought I’d Hear Myself Say:

“Dylan, don’t rub your penis on your brother’s head”

Yeah. 

On another, somewhat related note, I’m getting a surprising amount of traffic from people searching for “boys,” peeing,” or “peeing boys.”  Not quite sure what that’s about.  I also got hits today for “boy mom’s ass”  (?) and “how to make your ass look bigger”.  Two words: Krispy Kreme.

Also…did y’all see that the awesome Stefanie of Baby on Bored gave  me a shout out last week?  Did I mention that already?  Anyway, check it out if you missed and it and check out today’s post…she makes a cute case for evolution.  In case you needed any further convincing.  Plus there’s some wacko commenter…and that always makes things interesting.  Remember when that happened here? Ahhh…the good ole days.  Now I just get weirdos trying to stick in comments about porn and male enhancement.  Pun  totally intended.  Buh duh dum dum.

Oh!  And I’d like to give a shout out to Applebee’s for their carside to go program.  You saved me from turning on my oven, starting a burner, or having to stand outside in the HEAT to BBQ.  So, gracias to you, mi amigo.  If you’d like to send some gift cards my direction, I’d love to share them with the internets.  :0)  And to use them to make my ass bigger.  Vagina.

It’s proving difficult to get back into the swing of things following our mini-vacation.  I’m EXHAUSTED.  Seriously.  I need a vacation after my vacation.  A few days in a hotel, sans kids, sitting by the pool with an ice cold beverage. Getting a good night’s sleep.  RELAXING.  Instead of running around San Diego (YES!  We were in San Diego…some of you “super” sleuths figured it out pretty quickly) with two kids and walking MILES at both the San Diego Zoo and Sea World.  Going to bed late, getting up early.  Sun, sun & more sun. 

Ahhh…it was a lovely time.  But it was tiring and I certainly did not come back rested & relaxed.  And now it’s hotter that sin here.  As in it’s 12 Noon on the dot and it’s already 94 which is a good 10 degrees hotter than our usual high temps.  So although some of you are all “94 isn’t hot!” it IS HOT when you’re used to temperatures in the 70’s. 

I’m done ranting and now I need a nap so I’m going to share some photos with you of our trip.  A very FEW photos.  Because I don’t have the time or energy to add more. 

 A couple more can be seen here, if you’re so inclined.

Sweet Baby Zach

Monkey Boy Feet

Look Mom!  I’m Flying!

There were tears…

And there were more tears…

Tahoe…aka the Beast

B, aka Bizzy Kitty, aka The Overlooked One

Fading

Thriving…

Jolly Souls

 Now go visit Lotus for more Weekly Winners!

And don’t forget to visit AllMediocre and join in the fun!

Can you guess where I am? First person to guess correctly will win a cheap, touristy trinket from my trip. And if I’ve already told you where I am, you’re automatically disqualified. But maybe I’ll buy you something pretty cause that’s not really fair, now is it?

And I’d like to send a shout out to Priceline for their awesome assistance at scoring me a 4 star hotel room for $99.00 a night. You rock. That’s right. $99.00 a night. And no, it’s not a classy H(o)(o)ters.

Happy guessing! Good luck!

(And if you’re some schmoe who is going to try to find my house and rob it while I’m out of town, good luck with that. Your bail will definitely cost more than what you could possibly steal would be worth. Plus, B the attack kitty is at home. Sharpening her claws.)