I Always Notice How MY Behavior Changes When I’m in Beverly Hills
And today, I bring you my lovely friend JCK. She was my first night roomie at BlogHer, she has an AMAZING smile (which I’m not just saying because of the subject of this post), she’s a poet, an artist, and so much more. Get yourself over to her place today to catch up on what she’s been up to!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~“
I arrive via minivan, sans two children, in Beverly Hills. It is a place of perfectly manicured people, lawns and palm trees. And, oh yes, here are the cars… Audi’s, Jaguar’s, Mercedes and of course, the Bentley convertible. Not that we don’t have these things in the town where I live, but here in Beverly Hills it is different. For one, there doesn’t seem to be any dust. Or even dirt. Anywhere. Is that normal?! Everything is shiny. I see no chaos. No mess. Storefront windows are gleaming. People are freshly nipped, tucked, manicured and pedicured. Look, there’s someone walking by in bandages from a recent visit to the plastic surgeon. Do they think they are invisible? I guess it is so normal here that people don’t even notice it. Here’s a beautiful children’s store. There are no children in it. Do children live in Beverly Hills? Maybe there’s a toddler curfew. Preschoolers? I think they’ve been banished. Beverly Hills is child-free!
I always notice how my behavior changes when I come to Beverly Hills. I feel self-conscious. Today it doesn’t help matters that I’m wearing my suburban bright Purple CROCS. I swear the woman waiting by the elevator just sneered at my CROCS! To alleviate the potential awkwardness posed by sharing an elevator with said woman, I decide to exit the parking structure by taking the stairs. As I pass by her, I feel the need to say, “Oh, I’m taking the stairs. I SO need the exercise.” Beverly Hills is not the place to hang for someone who is naturally chatty like me. Not if you obviously don’t belong here. Except for the overly courteous valets or the man who runs the smoothie store, chats are discouraged. In fact, conversations can just die on the vine.
I do overhear some interesting conversations involving others. A woman says, “She just completely lost it. Fell apart.” Just when I’m feeling relieved that there are tantruming toddlers around, she continues, “…and so she just checked herself in.” O.K., NOT talking about toddlers. Could these others be from LOST? Oh…where’s Sawyer when you need him…
I am here to see my dentist. The 3rd visit in a month. It has been a very looong time since I’ve seen my dentist. It has been SO…long that they had to take a complete set of x-rays (lost count after 8 billion) and basically, they didn’t know WHO I was. Don’t they know who I AM? My God, I’m a mother! OK, I’m baaack! I’m here for my 2ND of 2 parts…a deep cleaning. The women who work in the office are actually very nice. The dentist is a little intimidating; a walking ad for the Beverly Hills Man. He tends to stare at me as if he were about to suggest a quick pit stop at the plastic surgeon’s downstairs, which just happens to be strategically located across from the elevator. Once, to kill time while I was waiting for the elevator, I read the list of services posted on the door. I swear a lady with a very tight smile bounded out from behind what I thought had been a closed door – asking if she could help me? Yes, I need help, but not the kind you are talking about lady. Maybe I’m not being fair about the dentist. He could be thinking…hmmm, not a bad looking wench, some “had a baby” belly and her hair is pretty outrageous – kind of like Emmy Lou Harris…only younger. Mmm…probably NOT thinking that. Besides, I think he is gay.
My dentist’s teeth are WHITE and sparkling. And that is why I come here. Well, that and they take my HMO. Truthfully, I long for the sparkling WHITE teeth of my youth. I’m now coming up for air after having two children in 1 year. O.K., it’s been…a few years. Girl has just turned 4 and Boy will be 5 in November. Yep… they’re 10 months apart. But, it’s time to think about MY appearance and not just the grooming habits of my young. Teeth are a good place to start.
Putting on my sunglasses, I leave the dentist’s office with a mouthful of clean, fairly WHITE teeth. I feel good. As I drive out of the parking structure, I catch the eye of a woman driving in. THANK GOD, A SUBARU! She smiles at me. Perhaps she covets sparkling white teeth like me…
Related posts:
g on 05 Oct 2008 at 1:06 pm #
Hi, JCK!! well, how nice to see you in this neighborhood!!!
Actually, our dentist is in Beverly Hills, too – we were first referred to him for our son, who was born with a dental problem that requires extensive cosmetic dentistry – and where better to find cosmetic dentistry than Beverly Hills?
Even more intimidating than the dentist’s office, though was when our son had to have a root canal (poor baby!) and the endodontist’s office was right on Rodeo Drive! Cruising up and down for a parkingspace in my little Mercury Tracer wagon, let me tell you how out of place I felt.
Now since our old dentist retired, my husband and I are both at the BH dentist, too. I always feel like I should run the car through a carwash on the way there!
Great post!
gs last blog post..The Pope of Broadway
[Reply]
anymommy on 05 Oct 2008 at 1:39 pm #
You are brave, I don’t think I could face all that perfection for the dentist. But, I laughed, I’ve let some personal hygiene slip a bit in the last few years too…nothing too disgusting, but still. Maybe my coffee-stained teeth would be a good place to start!
anymommys last blog post..Choked Up
[Reply]
Quart on 05 Oct 2008 at 1:42 pm #
You would never get me to the dentist under those circumstances! Good for you for braving the “elements” to get there!
[Reply]
Kalynne Pudner on 05 Oct 2008 at 5:44 pm #
Darlin’, the next time I am in CA, you must take me to Beverly Hills. No chatty convos allowed, eh? They’ve obviously never encountered an Alabamian. My chattiness will trump the cattiness, Any Ol’ Dang Day! Yee-hah!
Now, you need to get yourself over to my place and read more about that hottie swimmer…and Meg, girl, I’ll be back to hear what YOU have to say after being in the Big Hard Cold Nasty Apple. Yankees. My word!
Kalynne Pudners last blog post..Walk This Way…But Please Remove Your Jacket First
[Reply]
jen on 05 Oct 2008 at 6:19 pm #
I am so bitter, because my husband bought me a teeth whitening procedure at my dentist and I swear I don’t see a difference! I got whiter teeth with Crest Whitestrips! I wouldn’t be able to even drive through Beverly Hills, without crying from insecurity probably. P.S. The toddlers were being carted to ridiculously expensive classes by their nannies.
[Reply]
Nora Bee on 05 Oct 2008 at 10:18 pm #
Hi JCK! I’m sure I wouldn’t have even been allowed in to such a place. All the BH alarms would have gone off. Intruder!
Nora Bees last blog post..Project Royal Wedding heats up
[Reply]
Madge on 06 Oct 2008 at 5:51 am #
A Beverly Hills dentist. fancy. I think that woman was jealous that you were wearing crocs. She is probably afraid to wear them.
Madges last blog post..Am I back yet?
[Reply]
Issa on 06 Oct 2008 at 8:40 am #
I am cracking up. Every single time I went into Beverly Hills, I felt that way. And shit, I lived in Santa Monica my entire life until last fall. The only people who fit in BH are models and pod people.
We only ventured there for Sprinkles Cupcakes every now and again. And to laugh at people on Rodeo drive. I can’t afford bottled air on Rodeo drive.
Issas last blog post..Two plus one = Issa will never be on time again.
[Reply]
phd in yogurtry on 06 Oct 2008 at 12:35 pm #
I would stick out like a sore thumb in BH. Dust doesn’t begin to describe the substance on my car.
phd in yogurtrys last blog post..fall colors texas style
[Reply]
Janet on 09 Oct 2008 at 2:25 pm #
I would be arrested if I tried to go to Beverly Hills because I would so obviously NOT belong there. And we won’t even talk about the muck encrusting my 1995 Jeep (even assuming it survived the cross-country trip). My teeth were victims of tetracycline in my teens so I have never had white teeth to miss or regret, although it would be pretty cool to have them once just to see what it’s like. I just don’t know if the Crest stuff would work on teeth that are stained from the inside.
And by God, wear those purple crocs with pride woman. You know that other lady was just jealous.
I keep typing because I love the typeface on this blog. Can I blather on some more? Apparently, yes, I can!
Janets last blog post..Where I’m From
[Reply]