AMomTwoBoys

There are certain rules that I live by.  And they might surprise you.

They’re not necessarily the rules other people live by, because I don’t really need to be TOLD not to murder anyone or not to steal.  I mean, that’s just good common sense people.  If you really need those to be  RULES you have to follow, you should seek immediate psychiatric help.   Just sayin’.

Anyway, my rules are more along the lines of things that need to be a certain way, always.  Every time I find myself following one of my rules, I think of Jennifer because she wrote a post a while ago that I really related to.  She’s good people, that one.

So, I thought I would share with you my rules to live by.  Meghan’s Ten Seventeen Eighteen Commandments, if you will:

1. There is a very specific order in which a sandwich should be made.  Mayonnaise on both sides of the bread, mustard on one.  Meat on the bottom, with cheese on top of it.  Followed immediately by lettuce, tomato & then onion.  If you’re adding avocado, it goes above the tomato, but below the onion.  If you’re adding bacon, it goes above the lettuce, which breaks the meat on the bottom rule, but that’s really the only way to go.
2. Toilet Paper should ALWAYS go OVER the roll.  A.L.W.A.Y.S.
3. Your hair must be washed, with conditioner in place, before you shave your legs.
4. Toe nails must be painted on a regular basis.  There must never be a lapse of more than 2-3 days between removing old polish and applying new polish.
5. Lace bras are NOT COOL with tight and/or see-through shirts.
6. Boob muffin tops are to be avoided AT ALL TIMES.*  Get a bra that fits, for crying out loud.
7. I DO NOT share good food.  EVER.
8. The dishes can wait until tomorrow.
9. Clean clothes in a pile on the couch are just as good as clean clothes folded neatly in a drawer.
10. Clothes do not need to be separated to be placed in the laundry.  As long as they’ve been washed before.  Or if you’re using bleach.  Heh.
11. Children do not need to look like rag-a-muffins, but they don’t have to be perfectly put together either.
12. A bagel is no good if it’s not toasted and covered in butter AND cream cheese.
13. Coffee requires sugar and milk.
14. Iced Tea should never have sugar in it.
15. G-strings are our friends.
16. A dog who will eat crumbs off the floor, and then lick the floor clean, is just as valuable as a good vacuum and a mop.
17. No one should breathe on me.  EVER.  EVER.  EVER.  EEEEVVVVVEEEEERRRR.

*I asked the Twitterz what word they would use to describe boobage in a too small bra.  I got some good responses: MasMom, TheMaggers, playcon, AumMom, MyBottlesUp, VampireSmitten, FuryMom, AmyinOhio, KMunoz28, AmberDawn07, cdkrapf, CookiesMommy, jwkloss, JustShireen, EternalSunshin, GabyIsCool, JeanetteMcCleod, Mom23GreatGirls all made suggestions, or asked questions, and Metalia said “Quadraboob.”  And she stands by it!

Which made me think of a final Rule:

18.  There’s nothing wrong with asking Twitter for answers.

So…what are your rules to live by?

**Cross posted at Aiming Low**

First let me start off by saying that I had an amazing, wonderful, fantabulous time in Chicago.  Fantabulous is totally a word, and if you’re one of the people who had a hand in getting me there, you’re super special fantabulous.  For reals. So, thank you.

The good FAR outweighs the bad and the ugly, but I felt as if I needed to address all three.  Because, you know, what fun is it to read a post where someone gushes about something.  It’s really quite boring.  The gory details are what everyone wants, and the gory details are what everyone shall get.

So…let’s begin!  *claps hands in excitement*

The Good

• Getting to spend Wednesday in LA with Heather and Mike.
• Having dinner with Jayneoni, who is fantabulous in her own right.
• The awesome people on the Party Plane.
• The crew of our Southwest flight to Chicago, who graciously put up with us.
• Katie, who I became “close” friends with on the limo ride to the hotel.
• Roaming Chicago with my friend Fran.
• Seeing people I’ve missed since last July.  Like Amy, Jennifer, Shannon, Dawn, Lotus, Gudrun, Loralee & Leslie.
• Seeing people I saw in April, but having this be happier circumstances.  Like VDog, Tanis, Rachel, Shannon, Maya, Maura & Anissa.
• Spending time with other fantabulous people, whether I’d met them before or not.  Like Renee, Jen, Greis, Stacey, Issa, Kirstin, Yvonne, Stefanie, Marinka, Brittany & Janet.
• Meeting so many other fabulous people I can’t even link to them all or I’ll never get this posted.
• Seeing lightning and hearing THUNDER!!!  Even if it only happened once.
• Some people are JUST like their online persona.
• Some people are NOT AT ALL like their online persona.
• Getting my hair did by Anna, the super fantabulous stylist at the Suave booth.
• The #SuperSecretPizzaParty.  Which will hopefully be a yearly event.
• Feeling comfortable enough in my own blogging skin that I didn’t feel like I had to pretend to like people I don’t
• Feeling comfortable enough in my own blogging skin that I didn’t feel like I had to impress anyone
• Feeling comfortable enough to spend time concentrating on the people I WANTED to see, and not on the ones the internet tells me I should hang out with.  Because, you know, they’re the “cool” ones.

The Bad

• The “Water Situation.”  I bitched about this A LOT this weekend.  As someone who used to plan corporate events for a fancy schmancy hotel, I was ridiculously disappointed with the lack of water available to conference attendees.  I totally get the effort to save the world of many a plastic bottle that would need to be recycled.  But for future reference BlogHer event planners, put reusable water bottles in our bags.  Brand them.  The attendees will use them, and BELIEVE ME, it will be appreciated.
• The fact that the hotel provided bottled water at the parties and charged people for it.  That’s what pitchers and glasses are for, assholes.
• Holding a conference for internet addicted people at a hotel that doesn’t have wifi in the guest rooms. Duh.
• #NikonHatesBabies is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.  It’s unfortunate that the guest limitations weren’t clearly stated to attendees, but REALLY?  Saying Nikon hates babies because the fancy BAR at which they held their event  has a 21 & over policy?  Ridiculous.
• The pictures I’ve seen of myself need to be shine corrected.  Good lord my forehead is shiny.
• I missed seeing/meeting a bunch of people I wanted to.  Boo.
• I didn’t get to spend NEARLY enough time with everyone I wanted to.  I propose that we schedule at LEAST a week in NYC next year.  We can sleep 10 to a room if we have to.  For reals.
• I missed seeing Paula Deen.  Dammit. I love her.
• I missed the Vaginally Challenged Bloggers session.  I can roll my eyes with the best of ‘em.
• The DRAMA.  Because HOLY HELL people, are we 15 year old hormonal teenage girls, or are we grown ass women?  Sometimes I wonder.
• Some people are JUST like their online persona.
• Some people are NOT AT ALL like their online persona.
• Some people don’t understand that the world doesn’t revolve around them.  And every situation isn’t about YOU.
• The fact that the saying “With friends like these, who needs enemies?” popped into the conversation, and into my head, on numerous occasions.

The Ugly

• The disgusting behavior, exhibited by a few select people, when it came to procuring swag.  It’s free crap people.  Not diamonds or cash.  And even if it were, your behavior would still be objectionable.
• The backlash against those of us who got free swag.  In an orderly fashion, of course.  Once again, it’s free crap people.  Get over it.  If it wasn’t something I would use, I didn’t take it.  If it was in a bag and it wasn’t something I would use, I gave it away.   I’m not going to apologize for taking a free one time use sample of laundry detergent, or sample size jars of play-doh for my kids.  I’m also not a whore for doing it.  So, #alohahard and get over yourselves.
• Some people are JUST like their online persona.
• Some people are NOT AT ALL like their online persona.

I was lucky in that I was a removed party from all the drama.  I witnessed some of it firsthand, heard of some of it from involved parties and read about some of it on the interwebz. I suppose it’s to be expected when you get 1,500 people together for anything.  Especially when the majority of the people are women.   There were no knock down, drag out fights, though I heard there were ALMOST a few.  Which, really, I would have loved to see and would have totally taken me back to standing in the hallway at high school while two girls went at it.  And not in THAT way, perverts.  Also? If there HAD been a fight, I may or may not have picked a favorite and cheered silently from the sidelines.  You’ll never know.

Overall, I had a FABULOUS time in Chicago. Come hell or high water, I’ll be in New York next year.  I’m going to take MochaMomma’s advice and start saving now.  I suggest you do too!  Trust me, you won’t want to miss out on ALL the fun!

It’s only Tuesday and this week has kicked my arse already.  I’m freaking exhausted.  Which, in reality, could have something to do with the fact that I decided to try out SlimFast for the past few weeks.  I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be so bad, except that more often than not, I completely forget to have a shake and then 4pm rolls around and I can’t figure out why I’m low on energy and absolutely mother-fucking starving.  {Note to self: Don’t unintentionally starve yourself.  Especially since you have negligible weight loss to show for it.}

Anyway, Friends of Maddie has received a GREAT response so far!  Well, a great response from everyone BUT paypal.  They were unhappy with how we structured our Dell Mini contest, and threatened to close our account.  Something about the “element of chance” going against their Acceptable Use Policy and the contest as a whole being in line with gambling.  You know, since we love to fund raise for the families of critically ill babies by doing some illegal gambling.  GAH.

SO, we took the contest down from Friends of Maddie, restructured it, and are now doing it as a giveaway (YES!  No donation necessary to be entered!) with donations being GRATEFULLY accepted, and gaining you an extra entry or two (or a hundred, if you donate the big bucks!).   If you already donated and want your money back, let us know.  We’ll refund it immediately and will only talk about you behind your back.  You. Are. Welcome.

To read the new rules, and to enter the giveaways if you haven’t already, follow the links below.

If you’re going to be at BlogHer, go here.

If you’re celebrating BlogHer @ Home, or not celebrating BlogHer at all, go here.

But more importantly, click this pretty button to donate first, please!

On another note, I’m also excited to be a part of an AWESOME new website!

Yes, another one.  I know, I know.  But this was the brainchild of Anissa. I didn’t have anything to do with thinking it up, purchasing a domain, or putting hours and hours and hours of work into launching it.  I just get to read a bajillion funny emails a day from some pretty damn awesome women, and I get to pretend I’m even remotely on par with them!  So, YAY ME!

The site is Aiming Low and we launched yesterday.  Click on the pretty button below to head over there.  My first post published this morning, and it’s at the top of the site which is giving me anxiety.

Now I’m off to pack myself for Chicago, pack the boys and DJ for a stay at Grandma Pam’s and do a million other little things.  Like look at the conference agenda and mark down what two sessions I absolutely want to attend, give myself a pedicure because I never made an appointment to get a professional one, and maybe possibly clean my house.  Or something.  You know, really important stuff.

I’ve always been…how should I put this? A bit of a bleeding heart.

Or, really, I’m a BIG, HUGE bleeding heart. Stray puppies on the street melt me. Starving children on T.V. make me cry. People suffering injustice? I’m a puddle of goo.

Along these lines, I’ve always had a cause. In high school I was determined to be an AIDS activist. In college I was the co-coordinator of the Students Stopping Rape/Rape Prevention Education Program. I also volunteered as a Rape Crisis Advocate at the local rape crisis center. I was passionate. I was dedicated. I was removed.

Because none of it was ME. None of it, thankfully, had ever truly, personally effected me. They were just things I felt passionately about. Things I embraced, because they moved me.

Until that awful day a little over three months ago when the world turned upside down. I’m still reeling. It still takes my breath away. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about that little girl a thousand times. Not a day goes by that I don’t ache for her parents.

And not a day has gone by that I haven’t tried to think of ways to honor her life.

And now the day has come that I’m a part of something that honors her. Something that honors her by supporting families with babies in the NICU. Something that honors her by doing something in her name.

Something amazing.

I’m a Friend of Maddie. Are you?

It just occurred to me that I haven’t posted since last Tuesday.  Whoops.

I just KNOW you’re all dying to hear what’s kept me so busy this past week, and since you like my list posts so much (heh), here you go:

• Not
• A
• Whole
• Lot
• Well,
• A
• Few
• Things,
• Actually.
• But
• If
• I
• Told
• You
• Right
• Now,
• I’d
• Have
• To
• Kill
• You.
• Details
• To
• Come.

And now a few photos from my new (refurbished?) $199 iPhone:

We miss you.

We love you.