The Rules According to Meghan
There are certain rules that I live by. And they might surprise you.
They’re not necessarily the rules other people live by, because I don’t really need to be TOLD not to murder anyone or not to steal. I mean, that’s just good common sense people. If you really need those to be RULES you have to follow, you should seek immediate psychiatric help. Just sayin’.
Anyway, my rules are more along the lines of things that need to be a certain way, always. Every time I find myself following one of my rules, I think of Jennifer because she wrote a post a while ago that I really related to. She’s good people, that one.
So, I thought I would share with you my rules to live by. Meghan’s Ten Seventeen Eighteen Commandments, if you will:
- There is a very specific order in which a sandwich should be made. Mayonnaise on both sides of the bread, mustard on one. Meat on the bottom, with cheese on top of it. Followed immediately by lettuce, tomato & then onion. If you’re adding avocado, it goes above the tomato, but below the onion. If you’re adding bacon, it goes above the lettuce, which breaks the meat on the bottom rule, but that’s really the only way to go.
- Toilet Paper should ALWAYS go OVER the roll. A.L.W.A.Y.S.
- Your hair must be washed, with conditioner in place, before you shave your legs.
- Toe nails must be painted on a regular basis. There must never be a lapse of more than 2-3 days between removing old polish and applying new polish.
- Lace bras are NOT COOL with tight and/or see-through shirts.
- Boob muffin tops are to be avoided AT ALL TIMES.* Get a bra that fits, for crying out loud.
- I DO NOT share good food. EVER.
- The dishes can wait until tomorrow.
- Clean clothes in a pile on the couch are just as good as clean clothes folded neatly in a drawer.
- Clothes do not need to be separated to be placed in the laundry. As long as they’ve been washed before. Or if you’re using bleach. Heh.
- Children do not need to look like rag-a-muffins, but they don’t have to be perfectly put together either.
- A bagel is no good if it’s not toasted and covered in butter AND cream cheese.
- Coffee requires sugar and milk.
- Iced Tea should never have sugar in it.
- G-strings are our friends.
- A dog who will eat crumbs off the floor, and then lick the floor clean, is just as valuable as a good vacuum and a mop.
- No one should breathe on me. EVER. EVER. EVER. EEEEVVVVVEEEEERRRR.
*I asked the Twitterz what word they would use to describe boobage in a too small bra. I got some good responses: MasMom, TheMaggers, playcon, AumMom, MyBottlesUp, VampireSmitten, FuryMom, AmyinOhio, KMunoz28, AmberDawn07, cdkrapf, CookiesMommy, jwkloss, JustShireen, EternalSunshin, GabyIsCool, JeanetteMcCleod, Mom23GreatGirls all made suggestions, or asked questions, and Metalia said “Quadraboob.” And she stands by it!
Which made me think of a final Rule:
18. There’s nothing wrong with asking Twitter for answers.
So…what are your rules to live by?
**Cross posted at Aiming Low**
Related posts:
Sara @heartmychloe on 30 Jul 2009 at 4:27 am #
omg “personal breathers” are the worst. i’ve flipped out on more than one poor soul who accidentally huff huff puffed too close to my self.
why do you think i cut my own damn hair?
[Reply]
Z on 30 Jul 2009 at 5:20 am #
EXCELLENT rules. Except the nail polish thing – I’m too lazy for that. Oh, and sugar in coffee. Nope, not my thing. But everything else? Is a wonderful reminder of why we’re friends
Z´s last blog ..18
[Reply]
Alison on 30 Jul 2009 at 6:25 am #
Iced tea should NEVER have sugar in it, never ever amen. And then my ancestors from Tennessee come to haunt me, bringing gallons of sweet tea.
And I live by #9.
This list is hilarious!
Alison´s last blog ..Gred and Forge
[Reply]
amy d on 30 Jul 2009 at 6:26 am #
I cannot fall asleep if the bathroom door, closet door, or dresser drawers are open. It bugs the crap out of me. I guess it’s an OCD thing!
Fantastic list…especially the sandwich preperation! I agree 100%
amy d´s last blog ..Caught Up…
[Reply]
Nicole on 30 Jul 2009 at 6:33 am #
13 of these are totally my rules too. I strongly agree with #’s 8, 9 and 16 BUT #14 it SOOOOO wrong. Iced tea should be so sweet yout teeth fall off into the glass, for reals….but that could just be b/c i’m from GA…LMAO!! Loving this post!
[Reply]
melissa on 30 Jul 2009 at 6:42 am #
I’m glad I’m not the only one who has serious sandwhich makes rules…
I enjoy when my bewbs are having good days and are too small for my bra, but you are right – I would NEVER dare sport “muffin tops”
[Reply]
Laura on 30 Jul 2009 at 7:37 am #
Wow, thought i was the only one who made a sandwich that way. Drives hubs crazy. I agree with almost every single rule you have except the ice tea one. Im from the South so it has to be super sweet. But wow, ur rules are rules EVERYONE should live by!
Laura´s last blog ..A quicky update
[Reply]
MommyGeekology on 30 Jul 2009 at 7:47 am #
I also hate being breathed on!
MommyGeekology´s last blog ..Firm but Gentle
[Reply]
Grandmaother on 30 Jul 2009 at 7:59 am #
I like the garbage, recycling and green waste cans in the same
order/position everytime I go to the side yard, so I don’t have to think about which can I am going to. Can’t get Dick to concur – I think he likes messing them up.
I’m on board with #2.
Agree with #4 but rarely comply.
Don’t know where you learned #8!
[Reply]
Whitney (jwkloss) on 30 Jul 2009 at 8:08 am #
HOLY FREAKIN’ SHIT!!!! You used my suggestion for “Muffin Top” (I think I was the only one who suggested it but some tweets were private). That like makes my day, week, month, & maybe year- atleast until something else makes me this excited (lame I know). I love reading your blog and tweets, you crack me up with your honesty, witt, & “commandments”.
I love the Rules they are all way too true! But the Tea… well I have southernish roots and well I have to have my tea syrupy sweet!!!
Thanks
Whit
[Reply]
Mama Kalila on 30 Jul 2009 at 8:36 am #
#3 really doesn’t work for me. The longer my hair is in water after being washed the worse it looks. So washing hair has to be last. Unfortunately my daughter fights having hers rinsed, so if we’re showering alone together I have to do mine first and then hers so she doesn’t climb out on me… and I end up looking horrible the rest of the day lol.
Mama Kalila´s last blog ..That’s Right…
[Reply]
Korlynne on 30 Jul 2009 at 9:26 am #
I dig your rules…
[Reply]
Maura ~ @MoBurns67 on 30 Jul 2009 at 10:22 am #
I think you should have saved #1 for last because then I wouldn’t have *started* the list thinking you were completely nuts. I could have eased into it after reading some of the more logical ones, like #8.
Maura ~ @MoBurns67´s last blog ..BlogHer Thoughts (After a Fashion)
[Reply]
Lara on 30 Jul 2009 at 10:38 am #
Yeah, I think I may steal this idea for a post. (With due credit, of course!) I definitely have my ways of doing some of those same things, yet my way is totally different from your way, like with sandwiches, and the toilet paper roll. But I love you just as much in spite of that.
Lara´s last blog ..This Post Really Needs Images, But I Couldn’t Find BlowHer or Xenophobes on Google Images
[Reply]
Kate @ UpsideBackwards on 30 Jul 2009 at 11:41 am #
It seems the iced tea – sweet or not – rule might be the most controversial! So here’s my 2c worth: tea should NEVER be served cold. Ugh.
I honestly thought “iced tea” must be a different thing, so when I visited the US decided to give it a go. Nope, just cold tea. Can’t imagine that sweetening it would improve things. Give it to me hot, with a splash of milk.
Kate @ UpsideBackwards´s last blog ..Winter warmth
[Reply]
Colleen on 30 Jul 2009 at 1:06 pm #
Does the breathing rule mean that your husband must face the opposite when sleeping because I SWEAR if my husband rolls over and faces me, I immediately wake up because I am being breathed on! I HATE IT! I am so with you, GREAT LIST!
Colleen´s last blog ..Urodynamic Testing
[Reply]
Meghan Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
YES! It DOES mean that! He gets SO pissed at me, because he feels like it means I don’t like him. But whatEVER. I just can’t stand it.
[Reply]
Colleen Reply:
August 2nd, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Your husband should call my husband because my husband thinks the SAME THING!
And, I am an equal opportunity breather, I don’t want to breathe on him either, so one would think he would be thankful! GROSS! Just got chills thinking about this topic again!
Colleen´s last blog ..Urodynamic Testing
[Reply]
Shirley on 30 Jul 2009 at 4:13 pm #
Great rules! I live by these rules myself.
I have another that took my husband a while to get it right:
Don’t keep asking me if I am okay when I am curled over and crying – do I look okay? No I am a LOT of freakin’ pain!
Shirley´s last blog ..Walking on Sunshine
[Reply]
Overflowing Brain (Katie) on 30 Jul 2009 at 8:20 pm #
I have to profoundly disagree with several. First, mayo does not belong on any item of ingestible food. Ever. Nor should butter and cream cheese ever meet. You and I cannot eat together. Okay, just the pizza.
And g-strings? Oh hell no. Here’s my thing- we have g-strings to prevent vpl, and instead, you get visible g-string lines. I would rather, on any person in the universe any time, imagine them in full butted underwear than in skimpy strings of lace. EW.
However, I’m with you on the laundry. Probably to an extreme degree. Someday I imagine my children will love the laundry forts I build. Or neglect. Whatever.
Overflowing Brain (Katie)´s last blog ..Yes, I’d like some cheese
[Reply]
Insta-Mom on 30 Jul 2009 at 9:07 pm #
I am totally with you on 2 and 3…oh hell, on most of them. And the breathing thing…YES. The other thing that bugs me is when I’m in a crowd and someone’s hair touches me. Unless I know you? Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.
Insta-Mom´s last blog ..Depression redux
[Reply]
Tiaras & Tantrums on 30 Jul 2009 at 9:13 pm #
bacon MUST go under the cheese on sandwiches AND no must SWEAT on me or touch me with their sweaty limbs! I will freak out on you!
[Reply]
Seraphim on 31 Jul 2009 at 12:49 am #
Apart from number 8 (because my dishes can never wait until tomorrow) you would be my doppelganger.
It’s scary.
From the toilet roll, someone who understands my shrieks of frustration though to the lace bra under tight top, NEVER EVER ok!
And the breathing on me, that’s why husband and I sleep facing opposite ways. It certainly hasn’t had an adverse affect on our relationship. In fact, it’s probably been good for it.
Another rule, if I blame you for something, accept that I’m right, ergo, you are wrong,
Instantly.
Though that rule mainly applies to my husband.
Seraphim´s last blog ..Please
[Reply]
Fiona on 31 Jul 2009 at 9:04 am #
THis list is quite good .. I’m not a coffee drinker but if I were, definitely an 8 scoops of sugar girl.
Fiona´s last blog ..Casual Friday ~ Mamavation Coach Confession
[Reply]
Marisa on 31 Jul 2009 at 9:14 am #
I am totally with you on #3, but I think the conditioner must also be in place before body wash.
Marisa´s last blog ..Have a Glass Fridays
[Reply]
gingerB on 31 Jul 2009 at 9:16 am #
We can be friends! Friends who eat sandwiches harmoniously. But I can’t show my feet around you because I never invest time in my toes that often. Sigh.
gingerB´s last blog ..Haiku Friday – gadgets
[Reply]
mom2nji on 31 Jul 2009 at 9:18 am #
EEGAD. Sweet tea without sugar? Are you mad? Sweet tea should be 50% sugar, at least! Also sometimes the quardraboob cant be avoided. They dont sell bras in stores big enough for me, so sometimes you have to make do.
mom2nji´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: dog or small horse?
[Reply]
Lu ~ @masmom on 31 Jul 2009 at 9:22 am #
I am totally with you on all of them except #4, which I wish I could do, but don’t have the time or skill.
Otherwise for me I would say DO NOT call me sweetie or honey or anything like that unless I know you. If I don’t know you then I def. am not your sweetie, honey, anything! Most people that do know me would never describe me that way anyhow, because it’s SO not true! hahaha
Lu ~ @masmom´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday circa 1996
[Reply]
DE Heather on 31 Jul 2009 at 9:29 am #
I agree with you on all points, well, except #14. But I still hope we can be friends.
P.S. On my way to go & get some sweet tea-blame all the time I lived in the south, that stuff is addicting!
DE Heather´s last blog ..There really is a place called Pocahontas, IL or Why Chicken should never be given tasks first thing in the morning
[Reply]
perksofbeingme on 31 Jul 2009 at 10:15 am #
Here’s my take:
1. I don’t really care how my sandwiches are made, but when putting food on a plate, under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should my food touch. If any food touches, it should be separated and not eaten. If eating something that has “juice” (ie cooked veggies, etc) a separate bowl should be used to prevent the juice from touching another food. To help avoid this problem, plates with dividers can be used (yes I have them and use them). Also food should be eaten one at a time, never mixing the food (rotating the plate in a clockwise fashion). Foods of the same color must not be near each other (with the exception of green food which there should be more of than white or yellow foods). Best ratio of food is this: 1 white, 1 yellow, 2-3 green. {yes, I’m aware this means I have food issues- get over it}
2. I don’t have a super strong opinion on toilet paper, but when I put it on, it goes over as well.
3. YES! YES! YES! My hair must be washed first. No matter what.
4. Toe nails must be painted but I could care less when I put new polish on.
5. YES!
6. I don’t share food unless I know you aren’t going to mix my food. If you don’t mix it then we’re ok with sharing food.
7. Dishes can wait. They aren’t that important. I have more.
8. Exactly. IT doesn’t matter where the clean clothes are- as long as they are clean.
9. There are two piles for laundry. Colors and whites. That is all. No special “dark colors” or anything. It’s Colors and whites. The End.
10. Children can choose their own clothes. I don’t care what the kids I watch or my nieces wear as long as they have clothes. They can choose- even if that means wearing a tu-tu, butterfly wings, and a feather boa.
11. A bagel is eaten with sunbutter on it. NOT toated.
12. Coffee is just that. coffee. Sugar and cream depending on how much I’ve had. No lattes, mochas, or any other fru-fru drink. Just coffee.
13. Iced tea should ALWAYS AND ONLY have sugar in it. There is NO OTHER way to drink it.
14. G-strings are ok
15. Dogs are the best cleaners ever. Or in my case, my cat who is just as good as a dog.
16. Don’t breathe in my face. otherwise, we’re ok. Don’t touch my shoulders though.
17. Wait, how is is that I ended on 16 points, when you ended with 17??
18. Twitter can solve most of the world’s problems if people would just ask. the right questions.
[Reply]
Loralee on 31 Jul 2009 at 11:08 am #
You slay me.
I agree with many of these although I have to say that butt floss and I have never really seen eye to eye.
Yet.
Loralee´s last blog ..The best little hair salon in Chicago: Sparrow Hair
[Reply]
nic @mybottlesup on 31 Jul 2009 at 11:23 am #
oh boo. i posted my response on aiming low assuming they would cross post here.
not cool. let’s get techy with it now. i can’t be posting responses in multiple places for the same damn person, no matter how much i adore you.
c’mon now… that’s my rule.
nic @mybottlesup´s last blog ..anticipating change (again)
[Reply]
VDog on 31 Jul 2009 at 11:53 am #
I am SO with you on #10. Cold wash FTMFW!!!!!
VDog´s last blog ..Bonus Round: Thirty Days of [blank]
[Reply]
Colleen on 01 Aug 2009 at 4:14 am #
Hair must be washed and conditioned before I shave. Boob muffin tops irritate the crap outta me too. Coffee must have cream and sugar, so must hot tea.
I snorted when I read this. And then my husband laughed at me.
Colleen´s last blog ..BlogHer@Home
[Reply]
Joe on 01 Aug 2009 at 7:14 am #
RE: #16… you’re selling it short. A dog is worth more than multiple vacuums and mops combined. Ours cleans crumbs, licks the floor and has also helped clean the drool off Tyler’s chin (gross, I know, but I didn’t want to get up to get a towel to wipe it off).
Joe´s last blog ..Staying at home
[Reply]
kris on 01 Aug 2009 at 11:35 am #
I agree with most of these – except the coffee one, only because I don’t drink coffee so I don’t really know what it requires to make it drinkable. And my day is all off if #3 isn’t exactly like that! LOL Great list!!!
kris´s last blog ..Photostory Friday – Golf 101… Ishee style
[Reply]
EatPlayLove on 03 Aug 2009 at 8:07 pm #
#1 has officially ruined me. As I made a sandwich yesterday I actually thought about YOU! You and your sandwich rules, I did put mayo on both sides.
EatPlayLove´s last blog ..Meet Me, No Meet My Garden Vlog
[Reply]