I’ve been feeling “off” for a few weeks now and the past few days I’ve been EXHAUSTED.  I mean, more exhausted than I’ve ever been.  EVER.

Except for two other times in my life.  And those two times I ended up with a baby.

So…when we were out running errands, I added “pregnancy test” to my  list of items to purchase from Target.  It went below Lunchables and Eucerin Lotion.  Oh, and coffee.

So we got home and I went about my day, patiently waiting until I had to pee.  Which took FOREVER because, for some unknown reason yesterday, I wasn’t downing Iced Tea (UNSWEETENED) like I normally do.

Anyway, after my nap, I woke up and peed on a stick.

And then I had a mild heart attack because there were IMMEDIATELY two lines.  And if you know anything, you know that two lines means you’re pregnant.  But then I took a deep breath and looked at the directions, and two lines means the test is working, not that you’re pregnant.  A plus sign means you’re pregnant.

So, phew.  Crisis averted.  For the next five minutes, at least.

I put the stick down and went about picking up the house.  And then my sister called, so I sat down on the couch and talked to her.  And then Heather and I started chatting on Gmail.  And then I totally forgot about the test.  And when I remembered it and mentioned it to Heather, who has been bugging me for a solid week to take one, that I’d finally done it but had forgotten to look at it, she yelled at me.  ALL CAPS YELLED AT ME.

So I got off the couch and looked at it.  And there was no plus sign.

I was happy I didn’t have to find the Mirena customer service number to give to my husband so he could call and chew them out.  I kept thinking of the Friends episode where Rachel tells Ross she’s pregnant, and he freaks out because they used a condom, and she’s like, they’re only 97% effective, and he’s like WHAT?!  And then he gets mad that they don’t have that information on the box and she tells him it IS there.  And he goes and gets a box and is pissed that that information isn’t in bigger writing.  And then go goes and tells Phoebe and Joey and Joey freaks about the effectiveness and pulls a whole roll of condoms out of his pocket.  It’s funny.

But I digress…

I was also a little bit disappointed.

My baby  just turned two.  He’s not a baby anymore.   I like being pregnant (more so after the first 12 weeks).  I like giving birth (mostly due to my insistence on an epidural).  I like having a newborn (even the middle of the night feedings).  I don’t feel done.  I love my kids with everything I have, but I don’t feel finished.  I want another baby.

Now is NOT the time for us to have a baby.  I know that.  I even know that 6 months from now might not be the time to have another baby.  I don’t know when, or even IF, that time will ever come.  But I hope it does.  And I hope I can convince DJ of it.

I also hope I can figure out why in the hell I’ve been feeling the way I’ve been feeling.  Because I need SOMETHING to explain the exhaustion and the headaches.  And the boobs.  OH, the boobs.  And also why Dill Pickle Cashews sounded like a good buy.  They weren’t, btw.  Gag.

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