AMomTwoBoys

If you’re a parent, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

You probably sometimes marvel at the fact that you were capable of creating something so unique, so perfect, so beautiful.  You probably planned for it and saved for it.  You spent time researching exactly the right things to buy, carefully choosing the exact items that would help to highlight it’s perfection.  You may have even dreamed about it.  You’ve certainly spent hours laboring over it, gazing at it, smiling in awe.

It really IS amazing what we’re capable of creating…

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And please don’t judge me based on how messy Dylan’s room is.  We were too busy building a kick ass train system to pick up.

It’s OFFICIAL!  The big day has finally arrived!  My new “baby” is up and running.  Hot Mom Reviews can now be your go to guide for in-depth analysis thought provoking intelligent discussion…Oh, who am I kidding?!  You know me well enough to know that it’s going to be fun, (hopefully) entertaining review site where the awesome Heather Spohr & I will give you our expert opinions on all kinds of stuff…

And to kick things off we reviewed ourselves, so you can get an idea of what we’re all about.

This might also give you a sneak peek into what we’re all about:

(Apparently I need to get my eyebrows done)

So check it out, leave us some love, and we’ll be sure to let you know when we’ve got new reviews up & giveaways going on!  It’s gonna be fun!

Because, HOLYMOTHER there’s a lot of political/teen pregnancy related talk being bantered about, and because I just, for some unknown reason, don’t want any part of it (FINALLY!), I’ve decided to dedicate today’s post to Google.  More specifically, to what search terms have brought people here*.

boys peeing - It’s a good thing.  It’s when they’re NOT peeing that you need to be worried.

where is giada delaurentis’s baby living?  Um, well, I’m sorry I can’t answer that for you.  I think they live in Los Angeles.  And if I knew their address, I’m sure they’d have a restraining order against me by now.

how to make my ass look great -  OH HONEY.  If I knew the answer to that, I’d totally charge you before I’d tell you.  And since you’re asking, I’m guessing it’s going to take some hard work on your part.  Or Spanx.

my baby got a black eye - Get used to it.  It may have been the first, but I can assure you it won’t be the last.

ass mom and boy or ass moms boy - ????

if the shit hits the fan - You’d better hope your furniture is covered in plastic.

rebuttal to letter from one “angry woman - I find it really odd that it brought THREE people my way. And what’s with the single quotation mark?  And I’m on the 3rd page of results, so someone REALLY cared.  Which is good, I suppose, that they weren’t buying into the bullshit.  Which brings us to:

why doesn’t obama saluate the flay - Okay.  The short answer to this one is because he’s a terrorist**.  But the long answer is because no one saluAtes the FlaY you fucking moron.  Learn to spell.

black on boys.com - I’m not at all sure about this one.  I’m a little afraid to go to that website, for fear of what I might find there.  Because aside from boys peeing and people who want to see my ass, I get more mom/boy porn hits than anything else.  It’s weird.  And creepy.  And why did that search term bring people here?  HUH?  (And please, don’t go google that term to see what comes up. Trust me when I tell you it’s not pretty.  And that I’m the final result on the first page.  Thanks to  Dylan’s black eye).

And now I need to get off my popular ass and get dinner started.  Hope you had a great Labor Day!  And since we slacked today, we’re launching our Review Site tomorrow!  Aren’t you excited?!  I know I am.

P.S. If we don’t get to it tomorrow, it’ll be up Wednesday.  Or Thursday.  Or, you know, soon.

*This is a safe blog.  Everyone is welcome and accepted for who they are*

**Obama is NOT a terrorist**

Dear McCain Campaign/GOP:

Sarah Palin?  Who?  Wha?  Why?  Huh?

Are you fucking kidding me?!  You’ve based your ENTIRE anti-Obama argument on his apparent lack of experience.  And then you choose HER as your VP nominee?  Doesn’t that blow your argument against Obama out of the water? Where’s the logic in that?  Especially given the…advanced…age of your nominee.  This is a Presidential election like none before.  People need to think long and hard about the very real possibility of the VP taking over the Presidency should McCain get elected.  Is she really someone capable of running the most powerful county in the world?  Uh…no.  She’s just not.

But, you know, whatever.  I find it hard to believe that the majority of Hillary supporters are as dumb as you seem to think and will flock to McCain’s side simply because he picked a woman.  As if it’s the fact that she has a vagina that’s important, and not the ISSUES.

But she sure is purdy.  And apparently that’s the way McCain likes ‘em.

Which is the ONLY reason I can come up with as to why he didn’t pick this chick.  At least she’s got credentials.

*She’s pretty…just, not in the same kind of way.*

And here are some other posts that have some great points on this topic.  I’ll let you read what they have to say because it’s pretty much what I want to say, but with much more insight & better writing.

Soapbox Mom’s Guest Post

Queen of Spain

This one wins for best title but you’ll have to click over to see what it is!

*Images stolen graciously borrowed from Google.

I’m participating in the awesome Dinner Party that Auds of Barking Mad is hosting. And even at the outset of writing this, I’m not 100% sure who’s going to be on my list of invitees! I mean, I’ve gotten to “know” so many of you over the past 9 months and, really, I’d like to invite EVERYONE. But, I’m supposed to pick ten of you.

So let me start by saying that this list is nowhere near exhaustive, or a true representation of everyone I’d like to invite. K?

I suppose I should start with the menu. Because if I’m going to have a dinner party, I’m sure as shit going to have some kick ass food available for you all to nosh on. I think I’ll serve some of our local favorites. Like Santa Maria Style Tri-tip, locally grown green beans, roasted red potatoes seasoned with Susie Q’s (which also seasons the meat!), and, of course, some awesome wine.  Like Beckman Syrah, Cambria Chardonnay, and, of course, a few bottles of different varietals of Carr & Core wine, because no dinner would be complete without a nice bottle of each of my friend’s awesome wines.  And for dessert?  Something with some locally grown strawberries.  And whipped cream.  And probably chocolate as well.

And now, on to the guest list.

I’ll have to start with an obvious mention, because we’ve been trying to plan a get together in real life and we suck at it, so maybe if we plan it on the internet, it will work out like AnyMommy’s dinner party and actually come true.  So, my first two spots (and a half spot extra if you count Maddie) go to Heather & Mike Spohr.  Because, come ON, you know they’re awesome.  They’re totally a riot separately, but you put them together and you’re BOUND to have a good time.  Especially if liquor is involved, which I’m pretty sure it is whenever Heather’s around.

And, of course, I’ve GOT to invite the always amazing, and previously mentioned, AnyMommy.  Her humor, wit, intelligence and creative writing style constantly amaze me.  She’s AllMediocre’s only (current) regular  contributor, and she does an AMAZING job at it.  This dinner won’t even begin to make up for everything I owe her, but hopefully it will be a start.  AND, it will give us a chance to meet and hang out BEFORE we get together for AllMediocHer in October.

That brings me to TexasHolly, HRH, or just plain Holly, my first ever bloggy friend.  She’s another one who blows me away with her creativity.  She’s taken the blog world by storm with her AWESOME illustrated posts.  My favorite remains her beaver trapping story.  I can’t be certain, but I’m pretty sure it will forever remain my favorite animated post.  I stress animated because I’m also pretty certain that this will forever remain my favorite post.  Simply for the photograph at the end.  It’s a classic. (Note to Holly: You and your friends are going to have some random Google searches as a result of me trying to find that damn photo post.  Where’s your search box and/or archives list, woman?!).

That also brings me to my dearest, sweetest, never met in real life bloggy friend, Z.  In her honor, I’ll have to add a vegetarian dish to the menu.  But that won’t be difficult, now that she’s created a food blog.  I think there’s even stuff on there that DJ would eat!  If you haven’t been over to her site and had a chance to check out her awesome photos of New York City, or read her harrowing tales of what goes on in the ladies restroom at her work, you need to head over now.  Actually, maybe wait until AFTER we’re done with dinner before you read the restroom stories.

And speaking of food blogs and New York, I’d also like to extend an invitation to Nicole of New York Girl Eats World.  I first heard of Nicole when she was a judge on Throwdown with Bobby Flay and she was totally adorable.  So, of course, I hopped over to her blog and immediately fell in love with her.  She’s a girl after my own heart, were I not married with kids.  I mean, COME ON, she travels the world EATING!  Could it get any better than that?!

I’d also have to include Stefanie of Baby on Bored.  She’s DAMN funny and this would give her a chance to make up for the fact that she totally bailed on me at BlogHer.  Migraine & ER visit aside, I’m still a bit bitter.  So, Stefanie, your ass is driving up here and you’re having dinner with me.  And it’s going to be FUN, got it?!  Plus, your buddy Heather will be here.  So no excuses, k?  Don’t make me come down there and kick your ass.  Cause I’ll do it.

I’d also have to have Amy in Ohio here.  She was my right hand woman at BlogHer and you can always count on her to provide some entertainment.  Plus, she’s becoming such a fabulous cook that she’s a must have at any dinner party.  So, I really hope she was included in YOUR dinner party, or it’ll really suck.  I mean…it won’t be as awesome as it could be.  It won’t suck.  Especially if you invited me.  Then it’ll be awesome.  Wait…what were we talking about?  Oh yeah, Amy.  So…Amy’s pretty much awesome, has only been blogging for, like, two weeks (okay, since May, you do the math), already has a kick ass following, and is a real life friend.  Trust me, you’ll love her.

That leads me to The Bloggess.  I’m not really sure what to say about her, except that she’s fucking brilliant in a completely odd kind of way.  She comes up with stuff (like this) that makes PERFECT sense, but you kind of have to scrunch up your face, squint your eyes and tilt your head to the side when you’re thinking about it because although it DOES make perfect sense, but there’s still just something totally weird about it.  Plus, she’s just so incredibly adorable and freakin’ hilarious, that she’d be an awesome addition to any dinner party.  And if, for whatever reason, she couldn’t make it to the dinner party, we could always just read through her tweets, because they’re always entertaining.

And finally, I’d like to invite, Andrea, Mama Ginger Tree, Marinka, Merlot Mom, Christine, Headless Mom, JCK, Tootsie Farklepants, Madge, Lulu, Natalie, Angie,  Maura, Christy, Jen, Denise…and OH, I’ve GOT to stop now. I think I’m going to need more food.  And if I missed you, I apologize, but I think my body is protesting having to type & link anymore, so I must end this madness.  You’re totally welcome to come, though.  Just pull up a chair.

This is the fourth post I’ve started recently, but hopefully THIS one will end up getting published.  I was going to work feverishly on getting my “Dinner Party” post up, but then I remembered that I’m the guest poster at Merlot Mom’s today, so I figured I should highlight that.

I also know you’re all interested in what’s going on with my friend Hannah and baby Andrew.  WELL, they’ve got an appointment today, but as of last week’s appointment, things were looking good.  His amniotic fluid had increased, which means hid kidneys are functioning, which is AWESOME.  But you know what?  I’ll let her tell you.  We’ve got her blog set up…she’s Type A Momma.  Believe ME, there’s never been a more accurate blog name.  :0)  Go over, get yourself caught up (there are only two posts up, so it won’t take too long), and leave her some love!

In other bloggy-world news, did you hear about AllMediocHer ‘08?  It’s being held on Friday, October 3rd in the DC Metro area.  We’re having dinner at Jaleo in Crystal City.  And if you missed BlogHer, get your butt to DC!  Flights are actually really reasonably priced right now, so take advantage of it!  Mama Ginger Tree & Maura are flying in from California, AnyMommy will be in town from Washington, Amy in Ohio is going to travel from Iowa (Just kidding.  Wanted to see if you were paying attention), I’ll be there, along with a few local girls, including, but not limited to, Liz and Kate.  Jessi, Cassie, Stacey, MeL & Domestic Extraordinaire are going to try to come…and we hope you can make it too!

We’re also going to set up a New York City AllMediocHer ‘08 a few days before.  That will be held sometime between September 29th and October 2nd.  Details TBD, but will include Z & Marinka,  and hopefully feener, Stella…and who over else is in the area!

I’m going to work on getting a button made, and I’ll keep you posted with any new details!  If you have questions, feel free to email me at meghan(@)amomtwoboys(.)com.

So, your homework?  Get over to Merlot Mom’s and check out my guest post, then head over to Type A Momma and show Hannah and Baby Andrew some love, and THEN get your shit together and figure out how you can make a trip to New York City or DC happen.  K?  I don’t really think that’s too much to ask.

A baby fell out of my vagine.  Well, he didn’t really fall out, as much as he came out really freakin’ easy.  I was planning on sharing the story with you, but it’s pretty uneventful.  I was induced, he came out, he looked like this:

He weighed in at 7lbs. 1oz. and was 20 1/2 inches long.  Or something like that, I can never remember the inches correctly and I’m much too lazy to get up right now and look it up.  It was 5:22pm.  That much I remember.  And I wish the Doctor’s face was in the picture because if you saw him on the street, you’d think he was a porn star.  Hopefully he never finds my blog.

The first few weeks looked a lot like this (or should it be “looked like this a lot”?):

And like this:

Then he started to do this:

And then I introducred him to you here.  And I talked about shit, or, as I affectionately called it back then, Shpoop.  Actually, um, I had no readers so none of you met him then.  But go check it out, because it’s one of my favorite pictures of him ever.  I’ll wait.

Adorable, no?! Ahhh…

And now, because I know he’d much rather I spend time playing with him and celebrating his birthday IN PERSON, I’ll leave you with some pictures from his party yesterday.

Happy Birthday, little boy.  You have no idea how much I adore you.

Hugs, Kisses and Much Love Always,

Momma

Well, sort of black eye. It’s not as bad today as I thought it was going to be. So that’s good. But DJ’s worried that when we take him to preschool tomorrow that they’re going to contact Child Protective Services. I’m pretty confident that they’re used to 3 year old boys being banged up, but either way, Dylan’s more than happy to show it off and explain how it happened. Which isn’t a “cool” story. DJ wants to come up with some sort of thrilling tale to explain it. Men.

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing - Photo Books

See?! It’s not THAT bad. And it will match the scar he’s got under his lip from last August when he fell on his cup and it went right through to the other side. THAT looked like this:

And if you’re extra astute, you’re thinking “Last August?! Wasn’t Zach born last August?!” And the answer to THAT would be YES. He was. He was eleven days old when he made his first trip to the ER. Luckily it wasn’t for him and he looked something like this (except he was in his car seat and he was wearing clothes.  I promise):

Which is pretty much what I looked like by the end of the day. Well, more like this maybe:

But in the fetal position and not nearly as preshus.  And there may or may not have been a glass of wine beside me.  The details are fuzzy.

YES, I drank while I breastfed.  I gave up alcohol for 37 weeks of pregnancy, you think I was capable of staying off the sauce any longer than that?!  I think not.

This is Zach.  Zach used to look at me like this all the time.

Then, one day, he started to look at me like this.

So Zach got glasses.  And I know you’re all dying to see them.

But first, I want to share some of the rejects with you:

These are the ones I like to call “Great Grandma Rose” or “Aunt Ethel”:

These were my second choice.  They’ll probably end up being our “Second set for $79″ glasses

because they actually fit him, even though they look funny.

The glasses we ended up with are a little too big, so they fall off his head.

And the ear pieces are too long, so when he’s in his car seat they push forward a bit.

And now, without further ado:

And thanks to Terri’s suggestion, we went with transitions lenses.

So when he’s in the sun, they turn into sunglasses!

Feel free to leave a comment telling me how adorable and perfect he is.  Don’t worry, we can take it.

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And in other news, I have an update on Hannah & Baby Andrew.  She sent out this update email yesterday:

I’m home !  We crossed our first bridge successfully, and I’m convinced it’s because of all your well wishes, prayers and support … for that I have no words to express how blessed it makes us feel …
As most of you know by now Discovery Health is recording all of this and our entire story including all of the procedures Andrew and I are going thru and will be aired on a show call “Miracle Workers. Baby’s 911″ sometime in Dec., so for those of you interested in exactly what my surgery was like you’ll be able to see it in detail.
To sum it up in a nut shell, it was a very intense procedure as all of the odds were against us, all the ingredients for the perfect storm if you will …  However my doctor is a true genius and was able to place the shunt ( catheter ) into Andrew’s bladder, in just 2 tries, I received an amneotic infusion so baby can finally move around and I didn’t go into labor !   For now I’m on bed rest until Tuesday when we go back to LA for our next apt.
Thanks again for all of your ongoing love and support :0)

And please thank all of your very kind, thoughtful, truly amazing readers for all of their supportive feedback … I have no words to even begin and explain how it feels to have so many people who’ve never even met us send such good vibes and well wishes , I felt them all :0)

So, yay! And I’ll surely keep you updated on any further updates. OR, you might just be able to follow them on your own because she’s thinking of starting a blog so she can journal the experience! There are still many more hurdles to overcome, so continue to keep them in your thoughts. Thanks! You guys are the best!

*So, um…I’m not 100% sure what to say about this, except that remember what I said to Quart’s post yesterday?  That I was supposed to say that the views of the author didn’t necessarily reflect the views of the blog OWNER?  And then I was all “But they TOTALLY DO, so Yay!” or something of the sort?!  Well, these TOTALLY DON’T, so there you go.  But I’ve been begging DJ to write a guest post for AGES, so…um, yeah.  He finally agreed.  A glimpse into what my life is like.  ON A DAILY BASIS.  I’ll rebut at some point, but I PROMISE on Saturday, I’ll post about Zach & his glasses.  Pinky Swear.  And I’m a little drunk right now which may or may not be the reason I’m posting this un-edited and without many asides. PS- I was a little drunk when I set this to post. I will not be drunk in the morning when it actually posts. At least I hope.*

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Has anyone heard the difference between Osama and Obama? Just kidding babe! If you haven’t heard it through the grapevine, yes, I am using my free time (also called sit on the couch and watch television time) to bring some sense to this blogging arena my lovely wife has created. When Meghan first told me about her endeavor into mommy blogs I thought it was cute. Hell, even I would come home and read her posts about what my children were doing during the day, and get to see pictures of all the crazy situations they (including my wife) got themselves into. But all of a sudden amomtwoboys became a platform for Obama supporters to spout off about how annoying conservative in-laws are, and how they push their views onto poor liberal daughter in-laws. Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife more than anybody (and yes Court, you are still my favorite sister-in-law), but your views are skewed by your pretty little heads. Don’t get mad, just open your minds and read on, and remember we are family by law, and divorces are expensive.

The first issues that come to my mind when people talk about politics and the election is not what is happening in Iraq, not what is not happening in Afghanistan, but what is happening in America, the United States, the place we actually live our daily lives. Now there are certain people in our family whose lives are pre-determined (for lack of a better term, don’t get mad). What I mean by this is the daily grind is there always. Work is there for them in the morning, the paycheck is there at the end of the pay period, and therefore the mortgage and the food is there also. That has been the American way for as long as I can remember, and that is a good thing, but somebody is paying for it. Yes, I am drawing the idea from a stereotypical government worker (i.e. the joke about the Caltrans worker and the shovel), but also from private business and the amount of power an employee has over an owner.  I guess what I’m getting at is this: Americans are forgetting that what we have as the world power, as a nation, and as individual families has been earned, not given. Society has become a bunch of “I wants”, “I needs”, not “I’ve earned”. Everything my family and I have today is due to the business my father built through his shear blood and sweat. And yes I am reaping benefits of what he started. But you can ask my wife, I work harder on my father’s business (which will soon be ours) than I ever would if I worked for somebody else, or something else.

Why is this? Because I have something to gain. I can earn as much money as I want because I have the education, and the position, but mainly because I have the want. I want to be able to pay for my kid’s college education without depending on anybody else. I want my family to have the best health care possible. I want my family to have a nice boat to have fun on. I want my family to have a nice house. I want my family to have a nice boat (whoops). I don’t need any help from the government, nor do I need to be taxed so the government can just give it to somebody who has nothing to gain. Don’t get me wrong, I pay my taxes, our business pays taxes, and I have no problem doing it. But somebody is paying for it, whether it be me, or the consumer who has to pay a boat load (yes, boat again) for everything, blame it on the government.
Now that the shit has hit the fan, let me really stir the pot. Drill the damn oil out of the damn ground, put it in an American refinery, and distribute to the gas stations, and quit fucking around. Would we be doing this dance if it were food? If we depended on others for our food, we would have had farms producing food as soon as any fluctuation in price hit. Our country needs food, and energy to survive, we should not be depending on anybody else other than ourselves (remember we don’t like free lunches) to survive. I’m not saying we should stop looking for alternative fuel sources, but in the mean time, we can fix the problem if we just get out of our own way.

So, what is the purpose of me taking time away from my 60” flat screen (and my beautiful wife and children). I really wanted to re-but Court’s attempt to explain herself for wanting to steal from the rich and give to the poor (over and over again until everybody makes the same amount of money, and has no reason to work hard) by voting for Obama, but I thought I would try to appeal to the American in everybody. A vote for Obama is equivalent to an admittance of self doubt. Doubt that Americans don’t have the ability to fend for themselves, that we must depend on somebody else to survive. I hate to bring this to every liberals attention, but that is what you are asking for, somebody (the government) to make sure you can survive. Personally, I don’t need anybody to give me anything, and I sure as hell don’t need Obama reaching into my pocket, taking from my family, to give to somebody or something that has the ability but does not have the want.

I seriously hope I did not offend every liberal reading this blog, but if I did, good. America needs to be shook up a bit, and a political post on a mommy blog spot is a good start? For my first post (and probably last) you are all thinking what an ass I am. But I love my family, and will always do what is best for them, and that is vote for McCain.